


it's all for you

by iwannadreamforever (orphan_account)



Series: i could almost feel you [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Lexa’s POV, Love at First Sight, Minor Angst, New York, Open Ending, Romance, Sappy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24181777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/iwannadreamforever
Summary: “But you loved her.” Clarke nods. She seems to understand and you love her for listening.“I loved her.” You smile, widely. You don’t care anymore about what you have lost – all you want is standing right here in front of you. And it might also be everything you need, right now.ORThe one where Clarke and Lexa are strangers and spend one night togehter.[Same story as 'we became strangers', only written in Lexa's POV]
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: i could almost feel you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745404
Comments: 28
Kudos: 144





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> An idea for a new story!

* * *

_“Yes, I know you are hurting. This world has broken you. It breaks many of us at some point, but you are not going to give in because I can still see the flames that will start a great fire still flickering within those eyes. You are going to overcome this, but know that it’s not going to be easy. The warrior inside you doesn’t even want it to be. It’s going to be a great battle in which you shall dive down and rescue yourself from the depths of hell._

_In all your despair, you have forgotten that you are the entire universe dancing in a singular being for a singular lifetime. Stars have died; light has travelled billions of years; cosmic magic has been weaved. Your very flesh contains the fundamental fabric of the entire universe and no matter what anyone says: you matter and you count. So go on: do whatever it takes. Go crazy if you have to. Reinvent yourself. Set fire to your soul and let the battle begin; let your spirit be unleashed. Because there is no way a divine being such as yourself was meant to dwell in darkness and despair. Those days are over and now is the time to emerge from that swamp; now is the time is now to claim back what is yours. With the power of a million suns burning deep inside your heart, now is the time is to rise up and become who you were born to be.”_

\- **Ryan Millward**

**\\\**

_June 2014_

10:34 PM

You think about the people who dragged you to this godforsaken party. You actually consider leaving already, but it's way too early for that. Your friends have dragged you here, a party of friends of friends of friends and you have no idea why you should stay, but you just do. Being 'socially active' might be a reason, which you actually already know is bullshit.

You sigh, looking around the space that has been made to a dancefloor. You're surprised to see people actually dancing around here. It's a big space, an open space above a bar. The bar owns the room too, and the friends of your friends of your friends have hired it to throw this shitty party. The wooden floor is cracking a little through the terrible music and you don't feel like you're above one of the best bars in Brooklyn.

The friends that brought you here are out of sight, there's nobody looking even remotely familiar. You still have no idea why you are still here, but somehow you can't put yourself into leaving.

You shake your head, cringing to the crappy music. You look around, scanning the room to see if you could go somewhere more... quiet. There is a door in the left corner, you make your way towards there.

"Lexa!" a familiar voice drunkenly screams into your direction and before you turn around, you roll your eyes as perfectly as possible.

"Ontari." You smile, but it's fake. One of the friends that dragged you here is standing in front of you, laughing loudly when you say her name. She is clearly way too drunk to function as a human being.

“Wanna dance?” her slur is annoying you, but you accept her offer. You know you won’t dance for long, but Ontari can per persistent when she is drunk.

Smiling, Ontari takes your hand in hers and you know she has the wrong idea. Yet, you still follow her, moving to the beat of the music. You still look around, bored, seeing the door in the corner again. You really want to escape now.

"Lexa, I have to- to- to say this." a big sigh escapes your friends mouth but her eyes never look away from your own. "You look so damn hot tonight." Ontari speaks again but she looks like she's about to vomit. You know Ontari is almost in love with you, but you are really not interested. The drunken woman is not your type at all. So, you simply raise your eyebrows in amusement.

"And you are so damn drunk, Ontari. Get yourself together." You manage to laugh before you quickly escape to the bathroom. You take a quick pee, wash your hands and try to fix your wild curls. Your hair is loose and you secretly love it. It’s the perfect beachy look. Your make up is still intact, your eyeliner still present around your green eyes.

Your thick lips are pink of the lip balm and you smack them a few times in your own amusement. You are really in a good mood tonight, even though you don’t want to be here. Even though you know why you are truly here, instead of somewhere else.

Your heart skips a beat in scare when the door flies open and a drunk Ontari hurries to empty her stomach in the toilet you just peed in.

She doesn’t notice you and groans heavily. You quickly leave before she turns around, back to the dancefloor, sneaking your way through the small crowd. Towards the mystery door.

The door is barely there, you walk through the sweaty people and you are disgusted by the way they smell. When you get to the door, you quickly push it open and escape into what seems to be the stairwell.

You smirk to yourself. The stairs seem to go up. And, since you have a thing for rooftops, you hope it will lead you there.

It does. As soon as you open the door on top of the stairs, you feel a gentle, slightly warm wind blow through your messy curls. It's a perfect escape. You blink your eyes a few times in the light of the lowered sun.

The roof is quite big, and there’s actually a cord of lights hanging all over the roof. Some plants and a few chairs are placed in the middle, along with a comfortable looking loungeset. There doesn’t seem to be anybody there, except you and you are glad to have found a place where you can be alone.

You're happy it's a day in the late spring, because the sun is about to set, it smells like good spring weather and you probably have the best view over New York right now. You walk to the edge, leaning against the fence that prevents you from falling.

In the distance, you see the skyscrapers that mark the typical skyline of your hometown. You hear traffic in the distance and you enjoy every second. You love it, you love New York. The city you never left, probably never will leave either.

"Shitty music down there?" a deep, husky voice sounds. The voice belongs to a woman and it sounds a little bit.... intimidating, but in a sexy way. You feel your heart skipping a beat, since you thought you were alone and the voice startles you.

You're surprised that you are not alone. You turn around, searching for the voice you heard. A woman is leaning against the wall where the door is attached to.

You think you've seen it all, but it's nothing compared to what you are seeing now.

The woman leaning against the wall is blonde, a little shorter than you, but it’s camouflaged by her high heels. Her face is angelic and her smile is kind. You can see from a distance that her eyes are as blue as... well, whatever is fucking light blue.

"Yeah, music sucks. But people suck the most." You try to see the details of her face but you are too far away. You don't have to move though, the blonde woman starts walking towards you. Your heart is racing and the law of attraction makes no sense anymore, whatsoever. She is fucking gorgeous.

"If people suck, why are you here then?" the woman speaks, 3 meters away from you. Her voice is gentle, still low and you know you could fall asleep, listening to it forever.

"I was dragged here." You shrug, knowing that coming here was the right decision. You get a good look at the woman. Her eyes are so fucking blue, you're getting lost in them. Her nose is small and you think you see a few freckles. Her smile is just perfect, warm and glowy and you feel like a moron when you notice how you are staring at her.

But you can't help yourself and strangely enough, she seems to be doing the same to you.

Her outfit is sexy and cute at the same time. The woman is wearing a denim jeans, a long black coat that covers her curves. Underneath she is wearing a white turtleneck which seems to brighten her eyes even more and she's wearing black pumps. It's a weird combination, but a goodlooking outfit and it suits her perfectly. Her blonde hair is looking wavy, like she just came back from a day at the beach.

"At least you get to see the sunset." the woman keeps smiling and motions behind you, where indeed the sun is setting and the sky is turning into a mix of orange, pink and purple.

"I have thing for rooftops." you mumble as you look over the city that you know like nobody else. It makes you feel warm inside, even though the gentle wind is turning slightly cold.

"I have, too." the blonde smiles as she walks towards the edge with you. You are fidgeting with your hands, looking down at your own outfit and you feel underdressed. You wear a black skinny jeans, white high vans, a white shirt with a high collar and a black denim jacket.

For moment, you forget about that though. It's a small, perfect moment you find yourself in. You feel the wind in your face, the woman seems to be shuffling closer to you so you now stand shoulder to shoulder, hands almost touching. She feels warm, smelling heavenly.

You don’t know what it is, but you feel incredibly attracted to her, you seem to be forgetting any sense of reason. You forget your entire life and you just enjoy this simple moment with a stranger. 

"Why are you here?" you ask gently, scared to look to your left, where the woman is standing.

"Oh, the same as you. I don't like parties but they kind of forced me because they think I'm sad or pathetic."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why would you be sad or pathetic?"

The woman smiles again, looking up at you. Her eyes so blue and her smile genuine, you think you see some kind of sadness in her eyes. "I lost some people along the way." she mumbles.

"Are they trying to cheer you op?" you ask, and you almost feel her pain running through your veins. You're familiar with losing people and it's not something you wish to happen to other people. But it happens. A lot.

"They are." the woman nods, looking back to the skyscrapers in the distance.

"Is it working?"

"Not at all." the smile of the woman gets sadder and sadder and you wish you had something to say that actually would cheer her up, but you don't. So, you do something you have never done to anybody whose name you don't know.

You turn to your left, making sure the woman looks at you, giving you a silent approval. When you think she does, you carefully take her in your arms. She immediately reciprocates. Your heart flutters and you love how she didn't hesitate to hug you back.

You feel her warmth against your own body, her hands snaking around your back. Your own hands hold her steady, as if she is about to fall.

Her head is leaning on our shoulder, your chin doing the same on her shoulder. She shuffles closer, her full body pressed against yours. There's something about hugging this beautiful stranger that you can't describe. A moment of peace, a moment to forget the concept of time and space. A moment to forget why you even exist and how you got here.

Her face presses into your bare neck and you feel her breath streaming down your skin. It gives you shivers, in a good way.

The hug lasts longer than you expect. You love it and hope she loves it too. You don't say anything because you don't have the words. You just hope you can make her feel better, even if it's only for a bit.

The close proximity doesn't seem strange at all and you pray you don't get disturbed by somebody else.

You notice how the woman shakes a bit, and you hold her even tighter. You don't know her story, but for the moment you don't care. All you care about is making her feel better in this moment.

You don't know you're humming a song until the woman says something about it. "I love that song." she whispers and you smile.

"What's your name?" you ask gently, not wanting to pry. Even though it's completely normal to ask for a persons name, nothing about this situation was standard.

"I'm Clarke. And you?"

"Lexa." you mumble into her hair. It smells like coconut, her perfume smells like flowers and you don't think you've ever been this attracted to someone. Not even necessarily in a sexual way but just... attraction. Just not minding being physically so close to a stranger never happened to you before.

She still holds you just as tight in the beginning and you wonder if you should let go already. You try to gently loosen your grip, but she doesn't.

You smile more, closing your eyes for a moment and you wish you could remember this forever. You think it’s the mystery about all this that makes it so special.

Clarke.

It's a name you didn't expect but it suits her perfectly now that you know it.

"Your name is beautiful." Clarke whispers into your neck and pulls back slightly. Her hands are still on your back, her body still pressed against yours. Her nose almost touching your own when she looks into your eyes.

You thought it was a cliche - drowning in someone's eyes. But you think this is it, this is how it feels.

You never break eyecontact, you just look and can't help but smile.

"Did that make you feel better?" you ask and Clarke nods, smiling a bit as well.

"It did. Thank you." she mumbles. Her breath smells like red wine and mint and you think it was a strange combination, but you love it. What is there not to love?

"I'm glad I could be of service." you smile wider and you notice how your gaze flickers to her lips for a second. You get distracted, because she is still so close and it has been a while since you've been this close to anyone. It’s also been a while since you have been ridiculously attracted to someone so badly, you just forgot everything else.

You don't want to do it, you don't want to kiss her. You don't want to take advantage of the situation so you look back into those blue orbs. Your breath is a bit shaky and you hope she doesn't notice. You think she does, though.

You don't know why, or how, but you can feel everything at once. It's like your heart is finally letting you feel it all and you feel overwhelmed. And she notices.

Her smile makes you feel better. Her face is a face you are going to see in your dreams, you just know it. When you meet a person with the same perfume, you know you will think of Clarke.

"Are you alright?" the blonde gently asks and you nod. Your grip is tightening and you don't know why.

"Do you need a hug as well?" Clarke asks, her arms leaning on your hips. You nod before you even realise you need it.

All Clarke does is smile and it seems to make you feel so much better. She takes you into her arms, cupping the back of your neck and you find yourself pressing your face in her neck this time.

It's perfect. You don't want it to end.

You hold her tightly around her waist, probably suffocating her but she doesn't let you know she feels it. She just stands there, with you, while the sun has set and you have the best view over the city. And yet, all you care about is the woman that is hugging you. You don't care about missing the sunset, you don't care about your friends and you don't care about getting to this party.

It feels like you've known all along that you'd meet this woman and it is probably the reason you hesitated so much to leave.

Normally, you would've left already. Normally, you probably wouldn’t have come in the first place.

You pull back slightly, removing your arms from her body and it feels cold. You didn't realize you let out a tear until her hands are cupping your face, her thumb wiping one away.

"LEXA!" you hear a familiar voice and you raise your eyebrows, looking down in disappointment. The moment was ruined.

"Ontari." you sigh, sending an apologetic look to the blonde in front of you. She just smiles and nods.

"Lex- oh. Oh, hello there." you know Ontari has had a crush on you since day one, and you realise you're standing really close to Clarke. You wrap an arm around the blonde's shoulder. Clarke wraps her own arm around your waist and it makes you smile.

"What can I do for you, Ontari?" you ask your friend and you can see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Nothing, I was just wo-wondering where you were. Have fun." Ontari turns around, almost falling in the process and walks back inside.

"What just happened?" Clarke's small laugh is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard.

"She thinks she's in love with me." you laugh as well. You pretend like you don't still feel Clarke's arm around your waist. "Thank you for covering for me."

"You're welcome." Clarke laughs. "You are not in love with her?"

"God, no." you laugh even louder, but you see Clarke retract slightly, a questioning look on her face.

"She's pretty and all, but I could never be with someone like her." you say carefully.

"Someone like her?" her eyebrows raised in genuine curiosity, Clarke still smiles.

"She is... wild. Gets drunk a lot and is about to throw her life away. I couldn't be with someone who's that.... careless." you say, carefully checking Clarke's face. You think you see something of relief in her eyes but you are not sure.

"I thought you were not into women." Clarke is really forward. You adore it.

"Oh, I am. Just not into Ontari." you smile and you see that Clarke really hasn't moved away from you. You are still close.

"Hmm. What's your type?" Clarke takes a tiny step closer, one playful eyebrow shooting up, her smile turning into a teasing smirk.

"Oh, I don't know. I do have thing for people that hug strangers, though." you tease right back and you know she likes it. You are glad that Ontari hasn't ruined your moment with Clarke. You're glad that she seems to be somewhat gay. You're just glad that you're still here.

"Really? I despise people like that." Clarke chuckles, biting her lip. It’s the best sound, hearing her tiny laugh. 

"Despise? My god, what have I gotten myself into?" you roll your eyes, taking a teasingly step back, but Clarke pulls you back by your hips. One moment you're laughing, the other you are completely silent.

You feel how Clarke moves her hand to your neck, pulling your face closer to hers. She leans her forehead against your own and you sigh contently.

"I really want to kiss you right now, I don’t know what it is about you." the blonde whispers. Your heart flutters, you feel something between your legs and you curse yourself for being like this. You feel her breath on your lips and your knees are getting weak, the cliché kind of wobbly.

Your hands are subconsciously moving towards Clarke's hips, pulling her closer as you lean in slightly. You don't feel it's getting colder and you don't see it's getting darker.

You have kissed strangers before. More than you can count, back in the days. While you were drunk, usually. This is nothing like it.

It feels like you have known Clarke forever but on the other hand, this is completely new, refreshing.

You tuck her as close as you can and you think you feel her tremble. You don't want to be the one to kiss her first, so you wait. You don't want to close your eyes, because looking at her is the best view in the world right now. But her eyes are closed and you feel like you are invading her privacy. Closing your eyes, you are scared to breathe.

Her hand in your neck pulls you closer, but you don't know how far away her lips are from your own. You wait. Clarke is not going fast, as if she is considering to leave, as if she's contemplating if this will be a mistake or not. You let her.

You give her all the time she needs.

And then, her breath is melting together with yours, a warm feeling meets your lips. You know she is close.

You have to give everything to not kiss her right now.

"Do you want this?" you whisper, your eyes still closed, your body not wanting to move, perfectly content with the current situation.

Clarke doesn't speak. Instead, you feel the softest lips against your own. Your stomach turns thrice, your knees buckle and you can't help yourself. Your hands leaning on her hips, your body flush against hers.

Your lips, slowly moving against hers. You let her take the lead as the kiss turns a little... heated. You feel the softness, the wetness, you feel how she tries to open her mouth against yours and you are surprised with how quickly your body responds to her. Your own mouth opens and you sigh happily when your tongue meets hers. She tastes exactly how she smells; minty with a little tint of red wine. Her hand tangles in your loose hair, your arms snake around her waist to pull her closer.

You don't know what's happening, all you know is her. Her lips against yours, her trembling breath mixing with your own and her tongue driving you crazy as you switch sides.

You take a deep breath before capturing her lips again. Your hands slide underneath her jacket, lowering a bit until you feel the curve of her ass. You feel it all.

You can't hold in anymore, you need more. You just pray that she wants it, too. You pray you don't cross any lines.

Moving your hands back up, you cup her face with your hands and you tilt your head more, meeting her again in an open-mouthed kiss. Your tongues fight gently, your thumbs stroke her cheeks.

It feels so good and you have no idea why you ever kissed other people. The warmth between your own legs feels damp, you know what's happening to your body. You want to feel every bit of Clarke.

It's cold, but you don't notice. You feel her hands cupping your ass and you moan softly into her mouth. Your lips move to kiss her cheek, her neck. You hear a content sigh, a whispered moan. Hands tangle back into your hair moving your head slowly. The collar of her turtleneck is in your way and you try to pull it down but it doesn't work, making Clarke laugh out loud. You smile widely, kissing her soft cheek again.

"You are sómething." she whispers, leaning her underarms on your shoulders, her hands folded behind your head.

"So are you." you breathe, trying to catch your breath as you feel the need to kiss her again.

You'd rather tear her clothes of her body, but you know you would never do that. This woman deserves so much more than just some stranger. You somehow don't even feel like you're doing this for yourself but partly you do. You just want to make her feel good. You want to make her forget her problems, even if it's just for a moment. But to you? It’s more than just attraction. Maybe belief that you could actually be happy, or maybe it was something else that you can’t explain. Or it could just be plain chemistry. You have no clue.

"It's cold up here." she whispers while she shivers, stepping back for a moment.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" you ask, already missing her warmth. She shakes her head.

"I don't. I don't want to go anywhere else but if we stay, we might freeze to death." smiling sadly, as if the night was over, she shrugs.

"We could go somewhere else. It's a big city, we could go anywhere." you try, but Clarke shakes her head.

"I should go home." Clarke says, and you can feel your stomach drop to your gut. You didn't think it would be over so soon, but Clarke apparently wants to leave.

"Did I do something wrong?" you carefully ask, wanting to reach out but you don't.

"You didn't. I did." shaking her head, Clarke makes her way towards the door.

"Wait!" you say, quickly running after her, blocking the door. "Please, I.... I'm sorry. I didn't think anything like this would happen, but it did. It did and I liked it. I.... I'm sorry if I crossed a line." stuttering, you move away from the door. It hurts to see Clarke leave. You have no idea what to think, this is not a common situation.

"Lexa." she says, stepping closer to you as you hold your breath. "Lexa, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just... my fiancée died a few months ago. You.. you are perfect, standing here with those big green eyes, no harm intended.. I could.. I feel like there’s more between us, maybe, but I- I just can't. But please, know that I enjoyed it probably just as much as you did. Thank you." she cups your cheek with one hand, you feel like this is a goodbye forever. You don't want it to be, but you want to respect her. You try to ignore her comment about there being more, possibly.

"Goodluck, Clarke." you just say, looking into those blue eyes. She smiles. She smiles and she is so beautiful, your heart skips a beat. You want to ask for her last name, her number, anything. But you don't.

She leans in, her eyes flickering to your lips. She seems slightly desperate when she presses her lips against yours again, unexpectedly. You hold in a moan, you feel how she presses herself up to you again. The kiss is more heated than before - your hands roam over her body as you gasp for breath. She presses you against the wall next to the door, her leg between your own and now you can't hold in a moan anymore. You pull her close, finding it ridiculous how much you want her. You're happy, that she wants you, too.

You feel her lips tremble against your own and you taste some saltiness. Your nose feels wet and you gently stop kissing.

"Clarke." you say, as you notice her pain. She is crying and all you want to do is take away her burden.

"I- I'm sorry, Lexa." Clarke sniffs. The tears in her eyes make them even bluer. You swallow at the sight of the woman crying.

"How about this; we spend one night together, one night. Not in that way, you know. But I... just let me try to make you.. feel better." you say, not sure if you have any plans that could help her.

"One night?" Clarke is curious.

"One night. We could do anything we want and after that, we will never see each other again. I promise." you say, hurtful by the thought to never see her again, but one night is better than none.

"No sleeping together?" Clarke laughs, her tears fading. Your thumbs make their way to clean her face gently.

"No sleeping together." you say, smiling. "And if you wish to leave, you can, obviously. But just enjoy it, okay? No heavy talk? Just... fun?" you try, hoping she will agree.

"Nothing personal." Clarke nods.

"Yes."

"Let's do it."

You hesitate. "What about the kissing?"

"What about it?" Clarke asks, stepping a little closer.

"Can I kiss you throughout the night?" smiling, you don't even care anymore. You are not ashamed of what you feel, you think that Clarke is mature enough to understand.

"Yes, please."

You take that as a ‘yes; please kiss me now’. You pull her against you once more, your hands holding her face. Your lips touching hers again and you just can't get enough. She seems to have forgotten her pain, as she leans in heavily.

The kiss is heated, breaths in between, hands roaming over bodies. You don't like not being in control, so you switch places. Gently pinning the blonde against the wall, you press your leg between hers as you kiss her deeply. You moan when she lets out the sexiest groan you've ever heard. You feel a hand on your ass, your chest pressing against hers. Her other hand tangling with the hair in your neck.

Your leg moving between hers, you don't even do it on purpose.

"Fuck." she whispers heatedly, her eyes black with want. "Can we cut the no sleeping together part out?"

"Only if you want this, Clarke." you breathe, you know you already want it. You don’t even care that you barely know her, you let yourself be impulsive and stupid. But honestly, it doesn’t feel impulsive and stupid at all.

You lean your hands against the wall, placed on either side of Clarke's head. You need to catch your breath. Her arms wrap around your waist, pulling you in once again. You don't kiss her, you struggle with her collar again and you curse when you can't get to more of her skin. You want her, you want her bad. You have no idea what is going to happen, and how, but you don't care. For once, you don't make a plan. For once, you go with your feelings and not your mind and it's incredible. You should have done it all along instead of knowing each step of the way.

Costia made you that way. She dragged you along a road you didn't want to walk and here you are, letting it all go for the first time in years. You feel so free, you feel like you are not alone, in a good way. It's new for you and even though you are overwhelmed, you don't stop. You have one chance and you want to take it. So you do.

"Stop." you whisper. "Stop, Clarke, stop."

"Wha- what did I do?" blue eyes looking worriedly into yours, you feel guilty for stopping when you don't even want to.

"I.... you didn't do anything, I was just wondering." you remove yourself from her, but you stay close. "Just.. are you sure, Clarke?"

Clarke laughs, walking towards the edge. "I am never sure, Lexa." she motions for you to come with her.

She leans against the fence and you stand behind her, taking in her scent as you slightly lean into her.

You can almost feel her smile.

"Clarke?" you ask, snaking your arms around her waist.

"Yeah?"

"There are so many things I want to say, but I just can't find the words." you sigh, leaning your chin on her shoulder.

Turning around, Clarke grins when she gently grabs your face.

"There are no words, Lexa. There are no words for -" she motions her hands between you two. ".. this."

She smile, glad she understands. "You are special, Clarke."

"Probably because I'm not ugly." the blonde nickers. Her bright laugh makes your heart jump, causing you to laugh as well.

"That is certainly a factor, but not the main one." you chuckle. Clarke raises her hand and tucks a wild strand of hair behind your ear.

"I love your eyes, Lexa. They tell me more than anything else." the blonde's face falls seriously. Her gaze locks with yours, and you think you know what she means. You can see it in her eyes as well.

"Do they tell my deepest darkest secrets?"

"Yes, wait..." Clarke chuckles again. "I can see, oh I can see, that you..... you once accidentally broke something... " squeezing her eyes, Clarke pretends to read your eyes. It's quite endearing and amusing at the same time.

"Yes! You broke your mothers table and she asked and you lied. You have never told her the truth about it." Clarke sternly says, in a playful way.

"You're close." you smile as you capture her lips with your own. You have no idea what time it is and you love it. You have nowhere to be, but here. You want to take her breath away, amaze her, you want it all.

Your lips lock, your tongue searches for hers, already feeling like you know it all but at the same time it feels... new. The feeling definitely sends butterflies to your stomach. Your eyes are closed, you hear another moan and you're not sure if it's yours or Clarke's.

You have no time to breathe, but you don't care. The warmth of her body radiates through your own and you can't get enough.

It feels like nothing can stop you.

\\\


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two!! I have been working on part I & II, so more is coming soon. I will post part I first, then II and I also have been working on a third story, oops. 
> 
> So, smut is on the way!! Yay.
> 
> Also, a little more about Lexa's past revealed for my dearest readers. Please, let me know whwat you think!

\\\

You moan, kissing her. Clarke is probably the best kisser you’ve ever encountered and you just can’t get enough. You don’t stop, not even when you feel her push you somewhere. She’s gentle in her movements, her kisses hot against your lips.

You have no idea where she pushes you and peek through one eye, to see that Clarke pushed you to the other side of the roof, the blonde letting out a chuckle.

You let out a small laugh, too. “Clarke.” You move to look into her eyes. You want to do so much to her right now it’s ridiculous. But she is the one that needs to make this choice. You already made it. “What do you want?”

“I want you.” Her voice suddenly low and huskier than it already is, you swallow. She is truly the sexiest woman you have ever seen. “I want you, but what do you want?”

She bites her bottom lip, throwing a seductive look at you that makes you shudder, sending shivers down your spine. You try to smile but you are way to aroused.

“You.” You mutter. You cup her cheeks, stroking them with your thumb. It’s not just sexual attraction – it’s the look in her eyes that pulls you. The passion you feel tugging at your heart when you look into her eyes. Her smile is so big right now her teeth could fall out and you adore the view you have right now.

“I think we agree then.” She grins teasingly, continuing to push you, now into the direction of the lounge set. Your heart races and you hope she means what you think she means. You will never be the one to push her over the edge, though.

Your knees buckle when they touch the edge of the set. You fall into it with a small thud. She holds your hands tightly, looking down on you with a serious, loving look in those blue orbs.

You gape at her when she easily lowers herself into your lap, her hands moving to cup your face.

Her eyes dark when they close, she leans in and meets your mouth in a fucking sexy open-mouthed kiss, your tongue already makings it’s way to find hers, without you ordering it to do. Your body has a mind of its own.

You feel a stream of electric pleasure move to your centre when her hips start grinding into you and you are pretty damn sure it’s the sexiest thing someone has ever done to you.

You grip onto her ass – pushing her to grind harder. When she moans the sexiest moans of all time, you feel yourself drip down there. It’s ridiculous what this woman is doing to you, how she is capable of making you feel this way.

The kisses are so hot, quick and pure, but you sense some kind of gentleness in her touches.

You can’t help but let out a few moans when you focus on her movements. You run your hands down her back, and you hope she approves when you move one hand to the hem of her pants. You stop kissing her – you want to be sure, you don’t want her to regret this.

Her smile is breathtaking when she nods. You capture her lips again, needing the contact, the softness and the taste of her tongue on yours. The familiarity of her lips on yours is intoxicating.

She moves her hand to your neck, pulling you close and holding herself steady as she presses another hand to your cheek, looking at you for a moment.

You sigh happily, your cheeks hurting from all the smiling. Your body needs the touch. You trace kisses in her neck, taking in her flowery scent as you gently nip at her skin. Her skin is so damn soft. She squeals when your teeth grip her skin gently and you let out a small chuckle.

It fades when her grinding gets heavier, faster and you feel your centre burn, burn for touch.

When suddenly the blonde pulls back, you quirk a brow in surprise but you gulp when you see the reason why. She removes her jacket, quickly taking off her sweater, leaving her in only a sleeveless shirt. You think it’s way too cold for her to take off her clothes. She puts on her jacket again, but at least you will be able to reach her neck and her cleavage.

You try not to stare. You really try. If you weren’t wet already, you sure as hell are now. Her boobs seem quite large, perfectly shaped and in relation to her body. Perfect.

You can’t help yourself when you start kissing her everywhere, every place new skin is revealed. You hear a low chuckle, while you kiss her neck, gently nipping the exposed skin.

Her hands tangle in your hair, gripping it. It tells you not to stop.

You kiss her but you want more. You try to open her jeans, but because of her sitting position it’s tough. It works, though. You try to look at her when your hand makes its way into her jeans. She throws her head in her neck and lets out the hottest moan so far, not holding back whatsoever, making you whimper.

Clarke’s grinding intensifies against your palm and you have to struggle to keep breathing because you want to take it all in. You want to do so many things to her it drives you crazy.

“Fuck.” Her voice deeper than ever, her mouth opens and you hear her erratic breathing. You groan inside when you can feel her wetness through her panties. She really wants this.

“You are so fucking wet, Clarke.” You breathe in her ear, trying to hold her as close as possible.

“Please.” She begs, her voice raw. Her hands grip tighter, but you don’t care. You can’t wait any longer. You tuck her panties aside for as far as you can, dipping a few fingers in the slick substance that creates a pool of wetness in her trousers. You can’t wait. You slip 2 fingers inside of her, her walls soft and wet, clenching at your touch. Her moans don’t stop, only intensifying. You help her grind into your fingers and you know she is close to coming.

You move with her, trying to make it as comfortable as possible when you suck her skin. Clarke trembles in your arms and you hold her steady.

When you know she is almost there, you add a third finger. The way the blonde rolls her hips into you makes your heart race like crazy, you moan and you don’t think you’ve ever been this turned on.

“Fuck, Clarke.” You breathe, looking at her. The pleasure building, the look on her face is all you want to see. However, Clarke has other plans.

She grabs your face, kissing you hot and hard, while she keeps moving her hips into you. Your fingers try to pump into her but you don’t have the space to do so.

Another moan escapes her mouth and she places your face into her neck. You gladly nip on her skin. You curl your fingers inside her, and you know you hit the right spot when she shudders on top of you, her grinding interrupted when she collapses on top of you. You let her ride out her orgasm, holding her tightly as her breath in your neck sends shivers down your spine. It has been so long since you have been so close to anybody, but this is probably the best feeling you ever had.

Clarke still shakes in your arms, pulling back slightly as she looks into your eyes. There is nothing left of her blue eyes - her pupils are blown, want written all over her face.

“Wow.” She smiles, leaning into you as she presses the gentlest of kisses on your face. It melts your heart. Her kisses move to your jaw, your hand being removed from her pants. Your hand in hers, she brings it up to her mouth, sucking your fingers while looking into your eyes.

You bite your lip, holding back. You need her right now. She kisses you deeply and you groan when you taste her on your tongue. You know you are not nearly finished with her, but she softly pushes you to lie down, placing herself on top of you, her eyes still black. The thought shoots through your head again – you need to make sure that she wants this. She is the one who lost someone, she is the one calling the shots tonight.

“Clarke, you don’t have t-”

“I want to.” Her voice is stern and you can see by the look in her eyes that she means it. “I want it if you want it.”

You can’t help but smirk. This is all you want in this moment. Nothing more, nothing less.

She grabs the hem of your white shirt, pulling it up slightly so she can kiss your stomach. It tickles, but the touch is electric. You need her touches, her caresses, her kisses. You need it and it scares you.

Her hand moves to the inner side of your thigh and your hips shoot up into her. You need friction and you need it fucking now.

When she finally unbuttons your jeans, you can feel how wet you actually are. You don’t even think Costia was ever capable of getting you this aroused.

She sucks on your skin and you are sure she’ll leave her mark there.

“Fuck.” You mutter, your hands tangling in her hair as you basically force her to kiss you down there.

She pulls your pants down further and you don’t even care how exposed you are. Not that you have ever been shy, but the first time is usually more careful. Right now, it feels so different.

She slides one arm underneath you to steady you and you pray she will touch you now. You need her.

“Fuck.” You moan when her lips are suddenly on your clit, unexpectedly, sucking hard. Pleasure shoots through your body as you writher underneath her.

You can’t help yourself when you grind into her face, you really can’t. Your body has taken over control and you know what it wants.

When she stops, you are slightly disappointed. But then, she trails kisses up your stomach, her chin shimmering with your wetness. When you are eye to eye with her, you pull her down in a searing kiss, clearly surprising her when she squeals laughing. It’s adorable.

You demand control when you kiss her. You are desperate in your touches, in your movements and you don’t care if she notices. You are unprepared when she slips a few fingers inside of you and you grip her hair, the intense feeling inside almost immediately sending you over the edge. But she is slow – too slow for you to come and it frustrates you.

Goosebumps appear all over your body when she leans in to suck your earlobe, whispering words in your ear that you don’t understand because you are distracted. Her free hand taking yours, laying it above your head. Her dominance is turning you on even more.

You are sure your eyes are as dark as the night and you hate that you can’t rip her clothes off. She pumps her fingers into you, and you meet her by grinding into her movements. It’s not enough. You need more. You want more.

You are about to say something when she adds another finger. She is good. It’s exactly what you need when you see stars filling your sight, your blood pressure rising and the pleasure building up to its highest point.

You are unprepared for the electricity shooting through your veins when she leans in, near your ear. “Will you come for me?” her husky voice sends shivers down your spine and you come undone. You grip tightly on her, holding yourself steady as you close your eyes in pleasure. Your hips buckle and you ride out your orgasm gently.

“Fuck, Clarke.” You breathe and you know you are sweating. You don’t care about that, though. 

“You, are so damn hot.” Clarke mutters, her gaze finding yours. She removes her hand from inside you gently as you feel how wet you are. She licks her fingers right in front of you. You groan. Seeing the blonde on top of you does many, many things to you.

Clarke looks like she is about to do more to you, when you hear the door to the roof open. Your eyes widen as Clarke presses herself down on you, in order not to be seen.

You can see in Clarke’s eyes that she is holding back laughter and you can’t help but laugh inside as well. Getting caught is not something you like, but somehow you really don’t care now. It’s the look on the blonde’s face that makes it worth it.

She avoids eye-contact and you know it’s because if she looks at you, she will burst out. So will you.

She turns her head slightly, though, her blue, playful eyes looking into yours, her face red with holding it in. She barks shortly, making you snort as well but Clarke manages to stop you from laughing entirely, holding her soft hand on your mouth to stifle your laugh.

You hear nothing and you wonder if there’s a person there, or that the door is simply put open and left like that.

Clarke’s nudges her face against your cheeks, you hear her erratic breathing and it’s funny as fuck. You are so glad that at least you get to finish. Would’ve been worse if you were still going at it.

It’s not long after that, that you hear the door close. And the lock is being turned.

“Did we just get locked out?” Clarke whispers, not moving. You are pretty sure you’re stuck on the roof, now. She removes her hand from your mouth and her eyes find yours.

You bite your lips in amusement and you burst out in laughter when you see the shock in the blonde’s face. You laugh, hard. And Clarke joins you. She shudders, coughing while she falls off of you and it makes you cry with laughter.

You sit up, while Clarke makes eye-contact from the floor and her face is truly priceless. She shines with joy and you love it. You realize your pants is around your ankles and you struggle with it while you try to help Clarke up at the same time.

It’s not smart. It doesn’t work, and you just can’t stop laughing, your lungs burning and your abs hurting.

You try to pull your pants up, and it’s working slightly while you lift your butt from the set. Clarke’s back is against the lounge set and your legs dangle next to her.

“My god, that was awkward.” The blonde manages to say.

“I’m afraid we did get locked out, though.” You laugh. You are sure that there is a way out so you are not worried.

You stand up, lifting up your jeans completely, and offer your hand to Clarke to pull her up. You smile when you see the look on her face. Her hair is messy and tears are still on her face as she tries to wipe them away.

You love the innocent look. You can’t help yourself when you lean in to press a gentle kiss on her lips. You hold her steady by her hips and she wraps her arms around your shoulders.

You just can’t get enough.

“Let’s figure out a way to escape this place.” She smirks, lacing her fingers with yours, to move to the door. She seems to have forgotten to put her sweater back on because she is quick when she turns, putting it on, before dragging you to the door. You hold in another burst of laughter because she seems so chaotic and clumsy and you adore it.

When she feels the door, you know you are screwed.

“Fuck.” she mutters, but smiles anyways.

“Clarke?” You have to be sure. Clarke turns to look into your eyes. “Do you regret it?”

You shrug awkwardly, looking at your feet to avoid eye-contact. You might be tough, but you don’t want to overstep at any time. You want to give this girl anything that would make her happy.

“Do you?” her voice is a small whisper and she moves closer, tucking some hair behind your ear and the gesture is warming. You look up to meet her blue eyes and her smile is reassuring.

You shake your head. “You said, before you were about to leave, your fiancé died a few months ago. I’m really sorry, Clarke, I hope I haven’t crossed any lines.”

You know the pain she feels, and you also know that it takes time to heal. You just hope that she is ready to move on and that she won’t regret sleeping with you. You know you could never regret it – it is probably the best night you will ever have and you are nothing but grateful.

“Lexa.” Her voice still a breath, she shuffles closer, her hands cupping your face. You drown in blue eyes. “I am sure I don’t regret this. I think I need this, I need you.” Her lips gently press a kiss against yours and your heart skips a beat. The way she treats you is just fucking adorable. “For now.” She adds quietly. You can tell she isn’t ready to be with anyone, but you just pray that she will be ready to start again after tonight. You hope you have a good influence on her and not making her scar bigger.

“Are you sure?” you can’t stop looking at her. She truly stole your heart already with those big blue eyes and that kind, adorable smile. You know you will never forget this woman.

“I am sure.” She smiles, her arms wrapping around you to pull you into a warm hug. You need it. You think about why your friends dragged you here. Costia’s engagement party. You are happy that Clarke is with you – it makes you happy.

Tonight, your ex-girlfriend has her engagement party with the man she left you for. And all you can do is smile, because you are with someone that is worth every second of your time and you couldn’t be happier about that. It stings in your heart – Costia. But the way your heart flutters with Clarke, makes it all just so much better.

“Shall we now find a way off the roof?” her laughter is bright, happy and innocent and you wish you could hear it every day.

“We could just bang on the door, you know.” You grin, knowing your choice of words is questionable.

“Yeah, we could.” Clarke smirks and you know she is just as dirty-minded as you. “Bang.”

You gently slap her on the arm, a teasing look on your face. “We just did.”

“Yeah, we did.” She laughs heartedly while you walk up to the door, checking if it’s really locked. You knock a few times but nobody is responding. You hope there’s a way off this roof without having to climb.

You hear Clarke’s heels click to the other side of the roof and it’s not long before she calls your name excitedly. Almost jumping at the edge, Clarke looks like a little child and it makes you smile widely as you walk up to her. She is refreshing – despite the burden she is carrying. You admire her for being so strong.

When you arrive, you see a few flights of stairs leading to the ground. “Yup, that’ll do. I’ll go first; I can catch you if you fall.” Clarke is wearing high heels and you don’t want to risk her falling down.

You can tell by the raise of her brows that she disagrees. “It’s stairs.”

“It’s a high building, Clarke.” You laugh. You check if you have all your stuff – your phone, keys and wallet. “Do you have everything?”

“Yup.” She pops the ‘p’ and you shake your head when she sneaks down the stairs first. You make the perfect eyeroll and you hear her laugh when she walks down. You are quick to follow her.

As soon as you step foot on the ground, you smile when you see Clarke waiting for you.

“Should we go say goodbye to our friends?” she asks, her eyes fixated on you.

“Nah, we can just text them, if that’s okay with you.” When you don’t get a reply, you think she agrees. You take her warm hand in yours and you walk her down the street.

You want to take her to a bar; you could use a drink. You hope she’s okay with that.

“Where are we going?” her voice is kind and you can tell she is enjoying every minute of this evening. You love the look on her face.

“You’ll see.” You tangle your fingers with her shorter ones, taking your time as you walk to the bar that is your favourite in this neighbourhood.

You feel how the blonde walks closer to you – shoulder to shoulder. You don’t mind the proximity. When you glance at her, her eyes are almost closed, her blonde hair waving in the wind. She trusts you – you can tell.

And you trust her, too.

You love that even though she is clearly hurting, how she can still manage to enjoy the night. You don’t think that if Costia hadn’t done what she had done, and had died, that you would be capable of being in the moment with Clarke so much. You have lost people, also to death. But never a lover. The fact that Costia left you hurt you, but you know you can get over it. You know you want to. It’s been years and you hate that it still bothers you this much, but you are sure that this blonde has shown you a way.

And you will be forever grateful.

“It’s so beautiful here.” her voice sounds soft – happy. You smile even hearing that. When you glance aside, you find a set of blue eyes looking at you already. She smiles and god, you are reminded again how beautiful she is. Her face so angelic, shining with content and you love how her smile lights up your heart. It’s refreshing and safe.

You follow her gaze to the skyscrapers in the distance and you know you love this place so much you’d never want to leave.

“Yeah, I love it here.” You nod, looking down at Clarke for a moment. She stops walking and you wonder what she will say.

Instead of speaking, the blonde woman gently presses you against a wall near you, her eyes fully focused on you. Your heart skips three beats and your breath trembles slightly when she pushes herself up to you, looking around to see if they were alone.

Then, she presses her soft lips against yours and you immediately sink into it. It’s calm, like you have all the time in the world and your eyes are closed, your parted lips slowly moving against her mouth.

You feel her hands in your neck, against your scalp and it relaxes you. You can’t help yourself when you notice your hands are on her ass. It’s not demanding though – you kind of keep her in place like this. And, you just love touching it.

She stops for a moment, smirking up at you. It’s a playful look on her face that you wish she had more. The look fades soon, though, being replaced by something more serious that you don’t mind either. Eye-contact remains and even in the darkness of the night, you adore her deep blue eyes. It’s intriguing. She is beautiful, so beautiful. You wonder why you ever loved Costia, now knowing that somebody like Clarke actually exists. You know you are forever ruined, especially because you know you will never see her again.

She keeps looking at you when she tilts her head slightly, closing her eyes and you feel how your lips meet in an open-mouthed kiss. As if you can sense that she was going for it, all the way. You move your lips in sync and you love how it makes you feel. Alive. Warm. Happy, even.

Her scent is gentle, and she tastes so familiar already. But still, it’s all so new and your skin tingles underneath her touches.

Her breath is shaky when she leans her forehead against yours, catching her breath. Her lips are slightly kiss-bruised and you just want to claim them again.

She seems to be deep in thought and you just hold her, your eyes closed as you feel her breath slightly warm in your face. It’s comfortable, cute and you don’t want this moment to end.

However, she pecks you on the lips suddenly, as out of habit. You are being pulled away from the wall and you are confused by it. You smile nonetheless. You decide you want a drink.

You take her hand again, taking her further down the road and you are glad that your favourite bar wasn’t all too far away. You take her inside, and you and Clarke sit down at the bar. You already make eye-contact with the bartender that you have known for years, now.

“What do you want to drink?” you ask, settling in the stool that you shuffled a little bit closer to the blonde. You have your jacket off and your hair is annoyingly bouncy around your face. But you see her look at you and you know she likes it, so you let it be.

“Whatever you’ll have.” She shrugs, the back of her hand touching your hand. You don’t mind, at all.

You motion your hand at the bartender, and you order 2 beers. You figure you can better play it safe. You are not sure if Clarke drinks whiskey after all.

“Because anything else will get me drunk.” You laugh, explaining why you took the beers. It’s not a lie. When you drink whiskey, you are quick to get tipsy. You don’t drink alcohol often and you know your body isn’t used to it. Beer is one of the lightest drinks you know.

You see how the bartender is placing the beers in front of you, and he winks at Clarke. You know he means nothing by it, but there is still a pang in your chest when Clarke gives him one of her most beautiful smiles. She is quick to meet your eyes, though.

“You live here?” she asks and you are amused. You had agreed on nothing personal. You don’t mind breaking the rule, though, not at all.

“In New York, yes. Grew up here.” You think of your life in Brooklyn. You grew up in Manhattan. Your parents hadn’t been rich and they are not alive anymore. You are very lucky with your career, even though you are halfway in your twenties – you had the opportunity to move into a nice neighbourhood and a quite large apartment. But you never had the heart to leave Brooklyn after you moved here.

You are curious, because Clarke doesn’t seem like the typical New Yorker.

“You?” you ask, your gaze focused on those blue eyes you adore so much already.

“No personal information, remember?” she teases, sticking out her tongue in the process. Taking a sip of her beer, she quirks a brow at you in amusement.

“I just told you I grew up here, Clarke.” You quirk a brow back.

“I grew up in San Francisco.” Her smile is still beautiful. You don’t think she actually still lives in San Francisco, but you don’t ask any further.

“I love that city.” You mean it. You have been there a handful times and you prefer that over LA or Las Vegas any time. It’s different.

“Me, too.” Clarke’s gaze transforms into a stare and you know she is thinking about her time there. You have no idea what she has been through and you think you can see some sadness in her eyes, thinking of the city she grew up in.

“Are you alright?” you are quick to ask, having to know if you overstepped.

“Yeah, just… memories.” She smiles and taking a sip of her beer.

“What’s your best memory of San Francisco?” you try to cheer her up.

“I don’t have one. I think it’s more in the routines you build over the years. Probably going to the market with my dad every Saturday, or driving around the city in my mom’s Mustang.”

“Your mom has a Mustang?” you drop your jaw. You fucking love those cars, especially the classic ones.

“Yeah.” Clarke smiles at you, and you melt.

“Dang.”

The blonde snorts, probably laughing at your choice of words. You don’t mind it, her laugh calms you somehow.

“Tell me about your life in New York.” Blue eyes gaze at you, and you are not sure what to say.

“What is there to know? It’s a big city. Nothing like San Francisco.” You still want to know where she lives now, but you don’t ask. You don’t imply that you want to know. You will never tell her how your parents have died, that your uncle stepped in to take care of you and how you consider your cousin as your sister.

You will never tell her all of that. Maybe you will tell her about Costia, though. There is a thought, that maybe, you’d like to stop by the party tonight. But you are afraid. Of confrontation, embarrassment, pain.

You see how Clarke finishes her beer and you decide to speak up.

“There’s an engagement party tonight.” You stop smiling, imagining how it would be to go. You don’t want to drag Clarke into your personal life too much, though.

Clarke’s eyes are wide and you can tell she is surprised to hear this random fact.

“Are you invited?” her question is careful, and you love how considerate she is.

“She invited me. After all those years of not speaking to me, she invited me.” You mutter, still not understanding why Costia would do such a thing. It seemed cruel – to rub it in that she happily moved on and you didn’t.

You can tell that Clarke is looking for an answer in your eyes. Her gaze gentle, but curious.

“Do you want to go?” her voice small, almost afraid to ask.

“No. That’s why I went to the sucky party. I don’t want to see her. She left me.” You can feel how angry you still are. “For a man.”

Your heartbeat speeds up at the thought.

“She left you for someone else?” the blonde’s laugh is sarcastic and you can tell she is slightly angry at your ex. It makes you feel warm inside, and you forget why you were angry for a moment as you look at the beautiful woman next to you. “She clearly doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.”

She shuffles a little closer, never removing her gaze from you. You can feel her looking at you. Her smile is sad. You take sip of your beer, your shoulders dropping slightly as you lose yourself in thought.

You had always thought Costia was it – until it wasn’t. You had loved her so much, she was the love of your life. You still don’t understand how you could have been so blind not to see that she was going to leave you. You still don’t understand what you did wrong.

“You are amazing, Lexa. Even after such a short time I can just tell. Don’t let somebody who’s not worth you worry, don’t let her ruin you.” She whispers, taking your hand in hers, pressing a featherlight kiss on it. It’s endearing. It makes you feel better, even though it’s just a little bit. You are grateful for her words.

“Costia left me for a man, after claiming for years to be gay.” You giggle. It’s too ridiculous to even take seriously. Clarke laughs with you, a bright, subtle laugh that tugs at your heart.

“Why don’t you go?”

“It hurts.” You shrug. You need to do something, so you play with a coaster, one hand still between Clarkes’. Her hands are warm and soft and your skin tingles under her touches.

You see from the corner of your eyes how Clarke extends her free hand to tuck some hair behind your ear and the gesture melts your heart once again.

You look up at her, you can’t stop yourself from smiling.

“I really want to see the man she left me for. But I can’t stand the thought of seeing her again.”

“Why do you think she invited you?” a curious look on her face, Clarke seems to be bothered by the whole story.

You smile sarcastically.

“Because she wants me to know how happy she is.” You hurt inside. Clarke’s smile fades and you wish you could’ve been more optimistic for her.

“Why don’t you go, anyways?” she opts, and you don’t even think it’s a bad idea. You have thought about it, but the last thing you want to do is showing up alone. Maybe Clarke wants to go with you. You think you need her for it, need her to be with you. To calm your heart and feelings.

“Will you be my date?” you ask, shamelessly. You don’t really think that the blonde would ever judge, and you are not ashamed of what you are feeling. You like that you feel like you can be yourself around the other woman.

“Always.” Her smile is bright and happy and you wish you could take her on more dates. Her smile makes her so beautiful and you love to see the sparkle in her eyes. She does seem a bit worried, though.

“Lexa, are you sure?”

Of course, you are sure. You are sure about everything with her by your side.

“If she wants to show me that she is happy, I can do the same.” You lock your gaze with hers and you wish you could look at her forever. You take the details of her face in, wanting to be able to remember it all, later.

“Would you have gone if you hadn’t met me?” her voice serious, careful but gentle.

“No.” you simply say, still not bothered by what you are feeling, not bothered by her questions. You watch how she takes a sip of her beer before speaking.

“Lexa, I don’t want to bother you, but why would you go now? With me?” that’s an excellent question. It’s because she lights up your fucking world and everything seems less heavy when she is around you.

“Because.. I want to, Clarke. You know how I feel about you.” You climb off your stool, looking down for a moment. But, your eyes are quick to meet hers again.

You don’t know why, but you let out a small laugh. This night is nothing but a fucking emotional rollercoaster.

“You make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. I haven’t been facing the truth’ the fact that I was left. I was so angry, all the time. And with you here, I don’t know.” You shrug again. You have never been more honest, not even to yourself. It’s time to face your damned demons.

“She hurt me. I made sure that nobody would ever be able to hurt me again. And then there you are, with your angelic face, that intense look in your eyes, looking at me like I’m the world and I can’t..” you feel yourself letting go. Tears fill your eyes but you try to hold back. You don’t mind that Clarke sees you at your weakest, you just hate yourself for hurting all these years, without it even being necessary.

You cough, awkwardly. You hope nobody sees you cry. You stand up, needing to go to the ladies room to fix your damn face.

“I’ll be right back.” You hold in a sob, walking as fast as you can to the bathroom.

Once there, you lean heavily on the sink, looking into your own eyes. They are red and puffy, but your make-up is still intact.

It doesn’t take long for you to hear a gentle knock on the door.

“Lexa?” you hear her voice and it’s so soft that the huskiness is gone. You can’t help but let out a few tears when you open the door.

Clarke walks in, her big blue eyes looking at you with worry. She drops her stuff, her arms wrapping around your shoulders in a tight hug.

Her head leans against your cheek and you love how close she is to you. It calms you down.

“You really don’t have to go.” She breathes quietly. It only makes you smile slightly.

“I want to go. I have to face it for once in my life.” You whisper back at her.

You already miss her warmth when she pulls back a little, your arms around her waist.

She wipes your tears away with her thumb, forcing you to look in her eyes.

“Then I will be there, with you.” Her smile is careful, kissing your cheek in the process.

You grip onto her sweater, holding on tightly. You need her more than you realize.

“We got this.” She grins at you. It makes you smile again.

“I’m underdressed, though. I have to change.” You manage to say, your voice a little raspy.

You are surprised when Clarke lets you go, but she is back quickly with some tissues to wipe your face.

“I love close by.” You say, looking into the mirror.

“Why don’t you clean yourself up for a bit, and I’ll pay for our drink?”

You nod. “Alright. I can do that.”

Clarke just smiles, pressing a kiss on your cheek easily, as if she has been doing it her whole life.

“Will I meet you outside?”

“Yes.”

\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think will happen next?? *insert mysterious smirking emoji*


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, interesting stuff is about to happen next. Enjoy!
> 
> PS: I made some small changes in the first chapter, revealing that it's set in june 2014!

\\\

“We’d have to get home first. I don’t even know if the party is still going. It’s past midnight.”

“Don’t worry.” Clarke laces her fingers with yours when you step out of the bar.

“I’m going to have to move now.” You laugh as a joke. You don’t tell her that you are actually moving away soon, to another part of the city.

Your crying faded, but your eyes are still a bit teary. Maybe it’s the wind.

“Let’s just rub your happiness in your ex’ face, shall we.” The chuckle Clarke lets out is happy. You adore it.

You grin in return. You don’t really say anything, since you don’t have the words. You walk into the direction of your home, your fingers still laced with Clarke’s.

You love how perfect it feels to hold her, walking shoulder to shoulder with her.

When you arrive at your front door, you tell Clarke to stay outside. You don’t want her to see the moving boxes and the mess in your house.

You almost run upstairs. You already know what you will wear. And you will wear it because you want to impress Clarke, not Costia.

It is your favourite suit – navy blue with flared slacks. You have a low-cut blouse that will reveal your cleavage and you are seriously nervous if you think about the fact what the blonde woman will think.

You put on your most comfortable pumps, try to fix your make up and hair.

Thank god you are good at that. Not five minutes later, you are ready to walk back downstairs.

You are met with a gentle wind as you step outside. Clarke doesn’t seem to hear you; her eyes closed and her face has a vague smile on it. You look at her for a moment, appreciating her beauty as it is. Your heart flutters.

You walk towards her gently, stopping in front of her, poking her in the side.

You can’t stop grinning when she squeaks, but she melts quickly under your touch. Is it weird to think how much an influence you have on her and the other way around.

“You scared the shit out of me.” She cracks out a laugh.

“Sorry.” You really are not sorry. The scare on the blonde’s face was funny. You are quick to capture her lips with your own. Still as soft as ever, Clarke gives you a warm welcome with her tongue. You wish you could kiss her forever.

You pull back slightly. You forgot you put on subtle lipstick, but it doesn’t seem to stain on Clarke’s mouth.

She smiles at you, her eyes roaming over your body. Right now you are grateful that you workout as much as you do, her eyes lustful but caring when she looks at you.

Her grin wide, when she tugs on your arm, silently telling you to turn for her.

You laugh when you turn around. You hope she likes what she sees. When you have turned 360 degrees, you meet her eyes again.

“You literally took my breath away.” She whispers after a short moment of silence. She claims your lips again, a throaty moan escaping her mouth. You ignore the way your body responds to her.

“Let’s take a cab.” You smile against her lips and you pull back. You try to hide a grin when you hear a whiny sound coming from her mouth.

You turn, taking her hand in yours again. You stop a cab, opening the door for Clarke and slide in right behind her.

You don’t say much during the ride. You don’t mind the silence, though. You know the ride will only be around ten minutes.

When you exit the cab, you feel nerves running down your stomach. You are comforted by a warm hand in yours. She squeezes your hand gently.

“It’s right over there.” You nod into the direction of the place where Costia held her engagement party. You have been there before – on a date with her, ironically.

You suddenly stop – your heart stops with you for a moment. You would recognize her anywhere. She is there.

It’s her. You feel a pang in your heart when you see her, and she seems to notice you as well. She even has the audacity to smile at you.

You decide to play it nice.

With Clarke by your side, you walk closer. Costia takes a step in your direction as well.

She looks just as beautiful as the day she left. Her intense brown gaze, her long hair and the brightest smile. She always seemed genuine, but now you know better.

“Lexa.” She says to you, now right in front of you. The blue colour of her dress accentuates her curves and you hate that you are still attracted to her.

You just nod, not in the mood to say anything.

“You must be Hanna.” Clarke then smiles, and you have to do everything it takes to hold in a snort. You are so proud that Clarke is with you right now, it makes you feel so much better.

“Costia, actually. It’s nice to meet you. You are?” your ex is really genuine, so it seems. The only thing you are really interested in though, is finding the man who stole her away from you. Just to see what big of a mistake Costia made.

“Clarke.” The blonde almost flirts with Costia, her smile so wide and you love her for it. Clarke is so much more real than the brunette you used to call your girlfriend.

“I believe congratulations are in order.” Clarke keeps smiling and you wonder what is going on inside her head. Costia just nods.

“Thank you. You can come inside, follow me.” She just says, and Clarke squeezes your hand. Your heart is still racing but being here with Clarke makes it just so much better. It makes you feel stronger, like you are capable of so much more and it comforts you.

“Thanks.” Clarke smiles.

When you walk inside after your ex, you are reminded of the place. It was the most expensive date you ever took Costia on. Your stomach turns. It makes you nauseous. You have wasted so many years on this woman.

“How are you doing, Lex?” the nickname doesn’t seem appropriate, but then again, the whole situation wasn’t.

“Actually, Cos, I am doing okay.” You do it right back. You wonder what she will say to you.

“Lexa, could I speak to you in private?” your ex-girlfriend seems a little awkward, and you can’t wait to speak to her alone. It’s not that you don’t want Clarke with you, it’s that you know she will show her true self once Clarke is gone.

You just nod. “Of course.”

Costia wants to turn to go somewhere, when Clarke taps her arm.

“I’ll go outside.” Her smile is sweet and beautiful and you feel safe. She squeezes your hand one last time, pulling you in for a small kiss. You can’t help but smile yourself.

You watch how Clarke leaves, and you wait for Costia to speak.

“Is she your girlfriend?” is the first question to roll out of her mouth and you internally roll your eyes.

“No, she’s a random stranger I picked up and got close with.” You sound sarcastic, but honestly it isn’t far from the truth.

It makes the other brunette cringe slightly. One point for you.

“I’m sorry.” Costia’s voice is small and you can tell that she is real.

“It’s a little late for that, Cos.” You mumble gently, not even mad at her. It’s weird, all these years all you felt was anger, but now… now that you actually see her, you feel victory. You are so happy that she is out of your life.

“Why on earth, did you invite me?” you ask, crossing your arms in front of your chest, looking at a small, heartbroken Costia, who is currently avoiding eye-contact.

“I…” her sigh is deep and you can almost feel what she is about to say. “I regretted it every day, Lex. I miss you.”

“I don’t care.” You huff. There is no point in talking to her. “Just tell me, Cos. What did he have that I don’t? It was money, wasn’t it?”

Costia’s cheeks turn red and you can tell that you are close.

“Who the fuck is it?” you are not mad, just frustrated. You want to know.

“Cage.”

“Cage friggin Wallace?” you can’t fucking believe it. Cage was your boss at the time. Costia left you for your fucking boss. A fucking snake at that, too.

“Alright.” You sigh. “You made a mistake, sure. You can’t turn that back now. But if you marry Cage, I’m sure you will regret that more than leaving me.”

You turn on your heels, not wanting to speak to her anymore. What was she trying to do? Get you back? At her fucking engagement party? You wonder what happened to her that she thought that you would ever take her back. It’s so fucking silly.

You feel rage when you see Clarke. Fucking, bloody rage. You would recognize that guy anywhere.

Clarke is standing outside, with a drunk Cage hanging all over her and he tries to fucking kiss her. The audacity.

You waste no time in rushing over, pulling him away from the blonde harshly. “What the fuck.” Is all you manage to say.

You hold him by your collar, looking into his dark eyes as you shake your head.

“Lexa!” Cage laughs sarcastically and you can’t control what you are about to do next. You punch him as hard as you can in the face. A flash of pain shoots through your hand but you don’t care. You watch how he falls on the ground and you feel triumph when you hear Clarke’s snort.

Then, you notice Costia behind you.

“Sorry, Cos.” You mean it.

You turn around, grab Clarke with you and walk away as fast as you can.

“What the fuck?” Clarke seems surprised by your actions.

“He kissed you.” you are mad.

“On the cheek.” Clarke laughs lightly.

“He kissed you, Clarke. It’s one thing that he steals my girlfriend, but another when he tries to kiss you.” You mutter. You are so fucking mad at the moron. You don’t wish that guy for anyone, not even Costia.

“Are you alright?” you then ask, looking at Clarke, her eyes soft. She nods at you, the cutest smile on her face tonight.

“What happened with Costia?” she asks, as you walk down the street, away from the stupid café.

You can’t help it when you tear up lightly. “She apologised. She told me she has regretted it every day after she left.”

“No wonder with such an asshole.” Clarke mumbles, as if she is reading your mind. You smirk.  
“Yeah. Well. I don’t think they will continue with the wedding.” You shrug, you lean against a wall of the nearest building you are at. Your hand hurts more than expected. You are used to fighting, since you do it as a sport, but this was impulsive and filled with rage. It was different.

“How do you feel?” Clarke stops in front of you, reading your face for more tears. They don’t come.

“Relieved. She can go fuck herself.”

“That’s the spirit.” The laugh you hear makes it all so worth it. You laugh with her. “Did she beg you to come back to her?”

“Actually, I think she did, yeah.” You grin, pecking Clarke on the lips. You are so glad that Clarke was with you, there.

“How did that make you feel?”

“Happy. Happy that we aren’t together anymore. I realised she isn’t for me, not at all.” You move to look into blue eyes, ignoring everybody else on the dark street. It’s not busy since it’s in the middle of the night, but there are always, always people walking around in New York City.

“But you loved her.” Clarke nods. She seems to understand and you love her for listening.

“I loved her.” You smile, widely. You don’t care anymore about what you have lost – all you want is standing right here in front of you. And it might also be everything you need, right now.

Clarke looks like she is about to say something, but she doesn’t. You drown when you look into her eyes and you can’t help but admire her. Adore her.

“Thank you.” You say, happy that she is still here.

“Always.” The blonde woman is quick to press herself against you, her lips claiming yours. You lean into it, never getting used to the feeling of her so close. You love how it makes you feel, all giddy and happy. Like a teenager in love.

You fold your hands in her neck, arms leaning on her shoulders.

Then, you get an idea. “Can I show you something?” you pull back.

Clarke takes your hand in hers. “You can. But let me take care of this first.”

Her smile is sweet. You didn’t notice your hand was bleeding until now. You must have hit him hard, maybe even broken his nose.

You just nod.

“We need to find a shop though, I don’t have any bandages on me.” The blonde looks around, but you know for a fact that there is no store here.

You smile, lacing your healthy fingers with hers. It all feels so natural. You happen to know where a 24 hour shop is – it’s not far from here. You can walk there.

It’s just a few blocks. Clarke moves inside, while you wait outside, your eyes following every move that Clarke makes.

It’s the first time tonight, that you notice Clarke being a little… clumsy. It’s freaking adorable, making you smile like an idiot. The blonde walks around, randomly picking things out of shelves.

Then, she walks to the register, smiling at the stranger there the whole time. She is so kind and not judging, it’s refreshing. Most women would be a little held back with the foreign man behind the counter, but Clarke seems to believe in the good in people. It makes her beautiful.

You lean against the wall, waiting for Clarke to finish up. You don’t notice her walking out, looking at you for a moment before continuing towards you.

“Hey.” You smile when you do notice her. “I saw a snackbar across the street. Maybe we can eat something while you take care of my hand.”

You smile is small, Clarke mirroring it. The blonde nods, and you silently walk across the street, to the poorly lit snackbar. It’s a crappy one, but nothing seems to bother you tonight. Not anymore.

Once inside, Clarke sits down and you naturally order some fries for her and yourself. You are starving.

You sit down next to Clarke, at the window, looking outside over the almost empty street. You eat, quietly, stealing some glances from the woman next to you. You wonder how you ever got into this situation, that made you so happy, feeling like you had nowhere to be. So fucking free.

You are somewhat sad that you know this won’t last forever, no matter how much you wish for it. You would definitely want to try with Clarke, you have chemistry you never had before with anyone.

You care for her, so quickly you think you are falling for her. It doesn’t even frighten you, it feels so content, so perfect at the moment. But you know, she is in pain. You know, she needs the space after tonight. You know you need to be somewhat anonymous towards her. That’s why you didn’t take her to your apartment. It was too personal.

That’s why you don’t ask more, more about her life, more about her fiancé, even though you are so curious and interested what made this woman the way she is.

She is so beautiful, not just on the outside. You watch her eat her fries, and you find it adorable the way her nose scrunches up with each bite. You love how her gaze is focused on the next fry she will take. You love her small hands, her short, now greasy fingers.

“Penny for your thoughts.” You say softly, needing to hear her voice again. She moves her gaze to your eyes.

“I was thinking about leaving in the morning.” She smiles, but you can tell it bothers her. It bothers you, too.

“When do you leave?” you are afraid to ask, but you’d rather be prepared than surprised.

“I have to take a train at 8. It leaves from Grand Central.”

“I’ll take you to the station at 7:45.” You offer. You don’t look at her anymore. You feel how your heart protests at her leaving.

“We have still more than half of the night left, if you still want to spend it with me.” You hear a mumble. You watch her finish her fries. She cleans her hand, taking yours gently in hers. You flinch when she touches the wound to clean it. It fucking hurts more than expected.

You are tensing up, she notices and stops. She makes eye-contact, gently caressing your hand with softness.

“Thank you.” she says. You didn’t expect that.

“What for?”

“For tonight.”

Your free hand moves to cup her cheek your gaze melting with hers. You get lost in her, lost in time when you are with her. Your smile grows when she leans into your touch, her eyes fluttering closed.

“I will remember this night for the rest of my life.” It’s a small whisper from her mouth, but you can hear it loud and clear. Your heart aches.

“Me too, Clarke. Me too.” Your voice is small, your eyes locking with hers when she opens them.

She gently continues cleaning your wound, wrapping a bandage around it.

“Thank you, too.” You smile. You try to push the nagging feeling in your chest away, focusing on the present.

“For tonight?”

“For coming with me to Costia’s engagement party. For helping me move on.”

Clarke’s eyes shine. She moves to rest her forehead against yours and it feels ridiculously intimate. You search her lips, your eyes closed. It doesn’t take long for you to find them. Those soft, soothing lips you want to kiss forever. Her sweet touches, her scent, just… her.

The kiss is slow, intimate. As if you try to tell her something really important and she understands. She takes it all in. It relieves you.

You need it, badly.

“You said you wanted to show me something.” She whispers, pulling back to finish the bandage on your hand. She moves with such care, your heart softens. 

“Yes.”

“How’s your hand?” Clarke grabs the used stuff and throws it away.

“Hurts.” You shrug, honestly. It hurts a little, but nothing real bad.

You stand up, ready to leave the snackbar. You think about how far it is to the place you want to show Clarke – an old theatre that you regularly visit. Ironically, Cage’s father is the person that brought you there. But at least, Dante Wallace was a trustworthy man.

You wonder if Clarke will like the place, but you have a feeling she will.

You walk outside after the blonde. “It’s not far from here.” You murmur.

As of habit, your hand searches for hers without you thinking about it. You decide to give a hint for where you are going.

“Do you like jazz?” you ask, scanning her face to read it,

“I do actually. I love it. I don’t listen often but when I do, it can make me very happy.” Her smile is contagious.

“Good.”

You fall silent. You like how it can be quiet between you and Clarke, while nothing seems to be awkward at all. It’s natural.

You enjoy the walk, even though you are still walking on heels. You look around – the city lightly buzzing, not many people around. Enough people to make you feel safe in the streets, though.

But you don’t really care – you are just happy to be here with a gorgeous stranger. A stranger that managed to crawl under your skin in a manner of minutes.

You lead her through the city, a few blocks downtown Manhattan. You have always loved this part of the city and you hope she does, too.

You take her to a darker, lonelier block. It’s almost forgotten by most people. No tourists ever come here, yet, this holds the heart of the city (you think).

You are almost there. You glance beside you, seeing Clarke with sparkling eyes, yet she seems to be in deep thought.

Having arrived at your destination, you stop walking and look at Clarke, wanting to know what she thinks.

You are standing in front of one of the oldest small theatres in the city, but nobody really knows about its existence. If it weren’t for you and Dante, they probably would’ve taken it down already.

But you love it and Dante loves it as well. You come here often, maybe two or three times a month, when the older man and his companions are playing with their jazz band.

And you know for a fact, that they always stay late.

“Wow.” Clarke breathes, once she notices that this is it. Her eyes are wide, and you can tell by the look on her face that she loves it. You’re glad.

You can’t wait to show her what’s inside. You take her closely, opening the door as you step in.

“It’s open?” Clarke’s jaw almost drops and you are amused.

You enter a large hall – darkness inside since there weren’t really any lights on. The chandelier on the ceiling was off, but still hanging in all its grace. It was probably decades old. The red carpet was old – yet still colourful and you love the old scent that you smell everytime you set foot in here.

“It hasn’t been used in years. They wanted to take it down to build something else – but there are these people.” When you see that Clarke is genuinely interested, you continue your story. “Some people from my old work. They are in a jazz band and they don’t want the theatre to be taken down. They made an arrangement with the city council to keep it up, they kind of own it now.” You don’t tell how your uncle was a big part of this. He is a politician with a lot of influence.

“People from a jazzband? How could they afford it?” Clarke’s voice is small, she seems a little intimidated by the building, in a good way though.

“They bought it by holding a fundraising gala.” You smile, thinking back of that. You had been there as well, supporting them.

You can already hear the music coming from the big hall. It’s where you would often find yourself, in one of the chairs in the audience, listening to your favourite music, played by people who live for it.

“They are all retired. They play all night on Saturdays, sometimes even going through until it’s morning.” You chuckle. Those crazy old bastards. You truly admired them and you are glad that you have experienced their friendship, but they always did whatever the fuck they wanted. And rightfully so.

You push one door open, the opening being wide enough for the two of you to quietly slip in, not distubring the band.

You already see Dante on his saxophone, his eyes closed as he goes up in the music. It makes you smile.

There are several people sitting there, listening. You don’t know most of them, though.

“Wow.” Clarke whispers and smiles. You drop yourself in a seat, pulling Clarke with you to sit at the aisle.

“So you know them?” you hear her whisper, her breath close as she leans into you. You melt into her touch, leaning right back at her.

“Yeah. They invited me once. I’ve been coming her at least once a month since.” You whisper back, your shoulders touching, your hands tangling together. You feel how your skin still tingles when it connects with hers and it feels almost magical.

You enjoy the music thoroughly. You always have. They mostly play covers, but they have original music as well and you feel addicted to it.

You peek at Clarke sometimes. You see she enjoys the music too – maybe almost as much as you do.

You can’t stop yourself from smiling. The beautiful blonde woman next to you, her gaze focused on the stage. Her profile so cute – her nose small, her smile wide and her eyebrows relaxed.

You feel like a creep, watching her like that but you just can’t help yourself. You focus on the stage instead, though. There’s something magical about being in this old building, not holding phones or anything else that indicates that you were actually in the twenty-first century. There’s a lightness to it that eases your mind.

“Why did you take me here?” her low whisper makes you look into blue, loving eyes.

“It’s my favourite spot in this entire city. I just wanted to show you.” You shrug.

She almost beams. She is so lovely, you soften into her touch as she leans in.

A gentle kiss is pressed against your mouth. She doesn’t fully kiss you, though. She hovers in front of your face, her eyes closed as if she is giving herself a speech. You take in the details of her face, the little birthmark above her slightly pouting pink lips. Her tiny nose, her black eyelashes. Her perfect skin, that’s pretty tan for the time of year. The wavy blonde hair falling around her face, cut at shoulder length.

Clarke is taking so long, you wonder what is going on in that beautiful brain of hers. You wonder if she feels guilt towards her deceased fiancé. You wonder if there is anything you can do for her.

You see tears stream down her cheekbones and you only feel how you want to make her happy, your own feelings aside.

“Are you okay?” you are slow in cupping her cheeks carefully. You don’t want to startle her.

“I’m perfect.” Her eyes open, sparkles in there, but you think you see a flash of pain, too. She is fast to meet your lips, kissing you deeply and you hold in a moan. You are not alone here.

The kiss is deep, passionate, but delicate. It felt like Clarke was pouring all of her emotions into it and you kiss her pain away.

You nip at her bottom lip, your teeth gently sinking into the flesh, almost eliciting a moan from the blonde. She chuckles quietly, pulling back. Blue eyes playful.

She sinks into her chair and you can only grin. It feels so good. So fucking good.

You see how Clarke focuses on the music again. She leans her head on your shoulder and you are pretty sure she is about to sleep.

Your thoughts are confirmed when you hear a gentle snore, making you giggle internally.

You let yourself sink into a light slumber. Your head drops on top of Clarke’s, your cheek on her forehead.

You let yourself fall asleep.

\\\


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut and cuteness on the way!!  
> I'm very sorry to say that there will only be one more chapter, maybe two. The time is running out, but, thou shall not worry, I'm working on a third story!! Also, Clarke's POV still has to be posted, so if it is any comfort, I'll do that soon.
> 
> Enjoy!!

\\\

You wake up with the softest lips pressed against your own. You smile into it, recognizing the way she kisses you immediately. You sink into her touches, her hand in your neck, holding your head steady.

Her soft moans against you as the kiss turns heated quickly. Your tongue is quick to enter her mouth and you already feel your body aching with want.

But then, you remember where you are. You shoot up, almost knocking Clarke over in the process.

She lets out a huff and a quick laugh, her eyebrows up.

“Sorry.” You chuckle, looking around the theatre. It’s empty. You are here all alone, just with Clarke.

“Where is everybody?” you sit up comfortably, looking at Clarke. She holds a set of keys in her hand, dangling in front of you.

“An older guy named Dante gave me this.” Her grin sweet but teasing, she hands you the keys. Of course, Dante had given her the keys.

He was acting like such a grandfather, he must have thought you were asleep so deeply, he just gave her the keys. He is probably going to tease you for taking someone here with you, too.

“He asked if we could lock it up, and if you could bring the keys back soon.”

You just nod, never removing your gaze from those blue eyes. You have never been alone in this building before. Suddenly, you have an idea.

“Come on.” You almost jump up in excitement.

You grab her hand, Clarke laughing at your enthusiasm. You run out of the hall, up the stairs.

You walk towards on of the highest balconies in the room, having the best view on the stage. Plus, the chairs are way more comfortable there, you have always wanted to test them.

“They usually don’t allow us up here.” You smirk, tucking Clarke close by your side, almost as out of habit.

“This is higher than it looks like from down there.” The blonde woman chuckles at you, showing off her perfect set of white teeth. The sound of her laugh makes you melt inside and you hate yourself for being so giddy all the time.

“It is.” You sink into her. You don’t want this night to end.

“This building dates from 1907. They started building in the late 1800’s, but they never managed to finish it before the twentieth century.” You mumble, hoping Clarke will like your random history facts.

You have always been interested in the history of your country. It’s not like you want to make a career out of it, but you certainly like to read books or watch documentaries about it.

“More than a hundred years old.” Clarke mumbles back at you. “Amazing.”

“This was George Gershwin’s favourite place.”

“Really?”

“You know who George Gershwin is?” you quirk a brow. Most people have never heard of the guy. Meanwhile, you think he is one of the best jazz composers.

“I don’t really know any music of his, but I know who it is.” Clarke seems really proud to know it and it’s adorable.

“He somehow managed to mix jazz with classical music. Great man.” You smile. “He performed here several times in the late 1920’s.” you quickly add. You are such a history nerd sometimes; but you can’t help it.

Then, you have another idea. You know for a fact, that Cage, Dante’s son, has set up some Bluetooth speakers on the stage. Probably not been used a lot, but they are there. You stand up, suddenly restless. You just hope that Clarke will like your idea.

You offer your hand to her and she looks at you with curious blue eyes.

You take Clarke downstairs again, almost stumbling over your own feet in a sudden rush of energy. Her laughter bright in amusement. You walk up the stage, and it seems so much bigger once you are on it. Everything red and gold, you love how the big room looks like this, all empty and in its old glory.

You find some Sonos speakers. You connect your phone with them via Bluetooth, quickly opening Spotify. Before you know it, ‘Summertime’ from George Gershwin is sounding over the stage.

Clarke stands right behind you when you turn around.

You smirk. How could anyone not become happy of this classic old song?

You take Clarke in your arms, holding her the way ballroom dancers do, a wide grin on your face. Your left hand holding her right one up, your other one holding her by her side. You’re not a smooth dancer whatsoever, but you don’t care.

Clarke throws her head in her neck from laughing so hard as you dance with her on the stage. You chuckle with her, somehow not ashamed of just letting yourself go in the moment. You haven’t felt this good in years. You haven’t had such a great time in years.

You dance, laugh, swirl her around and you ‘umpf’ when she smashes back into you, quite clumsily, making you laugh even harder. Her laugh is low and slow, but you love the way her nose scrunches up, her eyes closing while she trusts you to hold her while she spins around a few times. 

You can only look at her. She is dancing with you, probably even less smooth than you, but so, oh so adorable, sexy even as she tries to follow you on the beat, her hands in the air, gently biting her lip when she looks at you.

Her smile is so fucking bright, your heart almost can’t handle it. Her beauty so strong and you wish you could capture this moment and keep it forever.

You do. You grab your phone. When she isn’t looking, you snap a picture of her while you hold her by one hand. You know you are invading her privacy but you just... you can’t help yourself. You need something to hold onto.

You quickly put your phone away, focusing on the present again. When the song is done, another random jazz song plays. It’s slower - you don’t recognize it. You pull Clarke close, hoping she is having just as much fun as you.

You press her against you, your hands snaking around her waist, while she folds her hands behind your head, her gaze focused on your lips.

You lean in, obviously. You can’t hold back anymore. You kiss her like your life depends on it. You search for her tongue, your lips quickly bruising, running out of air.

Her fingers tangle in your hair, holding you close to her. You feel how she still moves to the beat, your bodies flush.

You notice you are taller than her, your head leaning down slightly. Your noses brush as you swap sides, your lips needing hers.

You are addicted.

You are so far gone. Too far gone.

You can’t breathe but you don’t feel like you have to. You don’t need anything right now, just Clarke. You don’t know how or why, but the way you are feeling for this woman is something you have never felt before and it scares you. It scares you, but at the same time it’s just all you want.

“Shall we move this dancing party somewhere else?” Clarke’s voice is husky, and you can tell she is teasing you with it. She knows exactly how you react to her voice.

“Somewhere like?” you ask, still holding her close.

“A club?”

“I know just the one.” You smirk, capturing her lips once again, just needing to feel her. Her softness, gentleness. The way she tastes is truly intoxicating and you can’t stop touching her.

“Good.” She finally smiles up at you, her lips bruised, and you are weirdly proud of yourself because of it.

You then loosen yourself from her, turning the music off. You take her hand in yours, guiding her outside the building. You lock it up carefully, before taking her to a club not too far from here. You know for a fact that that club has the best music around in Manhattan. You love it, you go there sometimes.

Shoulder to shoulder, you hook your arm through hers, holding her close.

“What did you think of the theatre?” you ask curiously, while stealing glances from the blonde.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really been to something like that before. I loved it.” Her smile is genuine when she looks at you. You just smile back, not really knowing what else to say. “I also love that you chose to bring me there. Dante told me that you always go there alone.”

Of course, Dante told her that. You roll your eyes, but throw a smile in the blonde’s direction.

“Well… yeah, I guess that is true.” You admit. “But you know, I _wanted_ to show you.”

“I’m really glad.” Clarke looks at you, her hand caressing yours gently as you walk.

“There is just something about that place that relaxes me. It’s a great place to think.” You add quietly, hoping she won’t find you a sap because of it.

“I have a place like that, too, back home.” The blonde stops walking, looking into your eyes with an understanding look. “I go there a lot, lately. Ever since… ever since Finn died I suppose I need that place. It’s one of the few places of which I actually have no memory of him.”

You notice how Clarke smiles - even though it's just barely - when she talks about it. It’s probably the first time tonight that the other woman smiles while she thinks about her past. You can’t imagine how hard it must be to get over someone like that. You have lost people, but it is a long time ago. You never lost your lover to death.

“How?” you ask, looking for answers in her eyes. “How do you move on?”

Shrugging, the blonde looks at her feet. You hope that you didn’t overstep, but you just really want to know.

“You’ve probably heard of the stages of grief?” she asks then, her voice quiet as her eyes are filled with pain.

“I have. Look, you don’t have to answer the question.” You cup her shoulders, pulling her closer. You don’t want to make her cry, not again.

“I’ve come to a point where I accepted that I would never see him again.” She whispers, stepping closer to lean into you. You wrap your arms around her protectively, enjoying the feeling of how much she trusts you to tell you these kind of things.

“I admire you for that.” You mumble, meaning every word you say. You stay in a hug for quite a while. You don’t mind holding her, your nose taking in the scent of her hair, tickling your face.

You don’t mind her warm body against yours, her arms around your waist as she steadies herself holding you. You are surprised to find out that she is not crying.

When she pulls back slightly, she looks up at you with a smile.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” you quirk a brow, not sure where she is going with this.

“For listening. For being… different from the rest.”

You don’t question it. You just know that you want to be there for her as long as you can. You just want her to feel better and you have a feeling that it’s actually working. She smiles up at you, her face angelic in the light of the street lanterns.

You don’t hesitate when you lean in to gently press your lips on hers. It’s nothing like before – it’s slow. You pour all your love in it, hoping she will notice how much you care. You smile when Clarke takes your bottom lip between hers, popping it gently while she pulls back.

“You’re quite amazing, Lexa.” She smiles, taking your hand in hers, continuing to walk.

The walk isn’t too far anymore, but it actually takes a long time to get there. Clarke keeps kissing you, all handsy as she is. She somehow doesn’t seem affected whatsoever by the small, but deep conversation you just had. You are definitely not complaining – you need her touches, her kisses, her caresses. You need it and it frightens you when you think about it too much.

When you finally arrive at the club, you enter it quickly. The music is loud, the bass even beating in your chest. Clarke drags you to the bar, ordering four shots of something. You don’t mind – you could use a drink.

It’s dark in the club, but dark-blue neon lights make it better to see. When the shots arrive, you and Clarke down them as quick as you can, laughing loudly.

You can feel the alcohol buzz in your head and it makes you even looser. Your hand on Clarke’s back, she orders something else. You can’t tell what it is, because the music is way too loud and she is hanging over the bar to yell something at the bartender.

When the bartender nods, you are curious what she has asked for. The bartender returns with two drinks, seemingly Liquor 43 with some sprite. It is actually one of your favourite drinks for when you go out and you wonder how Clarke knows.

You drink it quickly. You know there are lockers here somewhere – you need to lose your jacket. It is way too hot for your jacket and you are pretty sure that Clarke thinks it’s warm as well.

“Locker!” you yell at her, smiling when she nods. You take your glass, sipping it while you have Clarke’s hand in yours, guiding her through the crowd.

Once there, you take of your blazer, putting it in a locker. You motion for Clarke to do the same as you roll up the sleeves of your blouse.

You are surprised when you see how Clarke puts of not only her jacket, but her turtleneck as well, leaving her in her sleeveless top.

You don’t mind it at all and you let yourself looking at her in admiration. She is a stunning woman.

When you make sure that everything is in the locker, you close it, taking the key out of it.

You go back into the room, Clarke following close behind.

You are quick to turn, press her against you once you are on the dancefloor. You know for a fact that this club is gay-friendly, which makes you much more comfortable. You feel tipsy – smiling goofy all the time.

Clarke smiles right back at you, dancing, her hips locked with yours. You hold in a moan when she presses her lips against yours. You feel her body flush against yours, her tongue in your mouth and you realize this is the right place to be right now. With her.

You still move to the beat, pulling back slightly just to admire her beauty. She smiles seductively.

Then, she turns around to press her back into your front, swaying her hips to the beat gently. You press your nose into her neck, breathing erratically, taking in her scent. Your hands automatically move to hold her hips and you can’t help but feel… turned on.

It’s just what she does to you, you can’t help it.

You move with her, needing her close. You press a few featherlight kisses in her neck, nipping on the soft skin. She leans back into you heavily.

You spin her around, crashing your lips on hers, you need her so badly right now. She reciprocates easily, meeting you with her mouth already open. It’s a passionate kiss, your hot breath mingling with hers.

Her hands fold behind your head, her hips still swaying in sync with yours. You loosen up a little, feeling how tipsy you are. You pull back slightly, so you can just watch Clarke dance while she looks at you.

But you keep swaying your hips, noticing how Clarke’s gaze is locked onto them. You are glad that you seem to be smooth enough with dancing since the lust filling the blonde’s eyes is more than obvious. It is so worth it.

You spin around and you are amused by the surprised look on the blonde’s face. You can tell by the darkness in her eyes that she is… well, horny, probably.

You don’t blame her. You are probably just as bad as she is, especially when she is quick to join you, pulling you close.

She presses her knee between your legs and you hate how your body instantly wants to grind into it. You can barely hold yourself together.

You move in sync to the beat, your hips swaying gently. She presses her forehead against yours and you can barely breathe. You hold her steady as you guide her through the music, still moving in sync.

After a short while, Clarke suddenly loosens herself from you, dragging you away from the crowd. To the bathroom. She looks around and when she notices that there is nobody there, she locks the door.

Her eyes dark, she promptly pins you right against the door. Your lips meet in a deep, open-mouthed kiss and you moan right into it. Her leg between yours, you don’t stop yourself from grinding against it anymore. You cup her soft ass with your hands, kneading it, pulling her as close as you can.

Her hands go over your body and you realize how much you want her. Her tongue still in your mouth youfeel like you can’t stop moaning. You can’t stop yourself when your hands move underneath her shirt, cupping her breasts. You feel how her nipples immediately stiffen under your touch. She gasps, not expecting that and you can already feel some wetness in your panties. It’s ridiculous what this girl does to you.

You make sure that your knee is a little bit higher, pressing it against her centre. You smirk when you feel her grinding into it, her hips rolling smoothly.

Even though you are pretty close together, your hand makes its way between your bodies. You open her jeans, your hand sliding into it before you know it. It hurts, from the punch in Cages face, but you ignore the pain. You already lost the bandage somewhere along the way.

You make sure that you are in her panties as well – you need to feel her. You press your palm against her clit and she shivers, throwing her head in her neck while she moans, her throat bubbling in the process. You kiss her neck, sucking hard.

Her grip on you tightens, and she meets your jaw to kiss it, down your neck. Suddenly, she is quick to rip your hand out of her jeans, pinning it against the door as she presses herself up to you.

Her dominance turns you on even more, and you know your eyes are just as dark as hers when you look into them. She kisses you hard, as if she is demanding something. It’s hot. So fucking hot.

She moves against you, her lips moving to your neck, to kiss and nip on your skin. It sends shivers down your spine, your skin tingles under her touch and you want more.

You feel how her free hand enters your pants, smoothly sliding down and you are surprised when you feel fingers inside you. It sends a jolt of pleasure through your body and you can’t hold back a deep moan escaping your mouth. You are so wet already; you are so far you don’t think it’ll take long for you to come.

You grip on Clarke tightly, while she pumps into you slowly. You force her to kiss you, stifling your moans. Your tongue meeting hers in a passionate kiss, you can feel your orgasm building up quickly.

You can’t hold back anymore. You grind into her fingers, begging her for more as you keep moaning. The feeling inside you, the wetness, it drives you over the edge quickly as you throw your head back against the door. “Fuck, Clarke!”

Her lips are immediately on the skin in your neck, sucking hard while she pants.

You recover from your orgasm quickly, and you want her. You want her, you pin her against the door, kissing her down her neck roughly, eliciting a moan from her.

You kiss the swell of her breast. Her skin so soft, her hands tangling your hair, pulling it quite roughly.

You meet her lips with yours again, wanting to taste her tongue on yours. Your hand moves to her jeans, tugging it aside. You will do the same thing to her as she did to you.

Clarke, however, seems to have other plans. She wraps one leg around your hip, holding you by your shoulders.

She whispers in your ear and you feel goose bumps all over your body. “Fuck me, Lexa.”

Your hand cupping her ass, your free hand slides into her panties. It’s not smooth, but it’ll do. You groan when you feel how wet she is already. You slide two fingers inside of her, immediately curling them slightly. The moan bubbling from her throat is so hot it almost sends you over the edge again. It’s fucking insane what she does to you.

You try to pump inside of her, feeling her soft walls clench around your long fingers. She grinds into you, one of her hands in your hair, forcing you to kiss her. It’s rough, hot and sexy.

You know she is close – so you add a third finger, curling it inside of her while pump hard. Her moaning doesn’t stop, it intensifies and you are glad that the music is so loud.

When she comes, you even think she squirts a little. Warm fluids dripping down your hand, you know you have ruined her pants. Your hand is drenched in her wetness when you pull it away, and you can’t help yourself when you fall on your knees, tucking her jeans down, moving your head to kiss her clit.

She shivers, hard. “Lexa, I’ll fall.” Her voice is shaky and deep.

You steady her, though. You want her to come again. You want it so badly. You suck on her clit, teasing it with your tongue. You make sure she can lean on you enough so she won’t fall.

Her deep moans are enough to tell you she wants it.

You enter her with your fingers again, while your tongue plays with the little bundle of nerves.

“Fuck!” she yells, her hand in your hair again as she grinds into your face. Your fingers pump hard, and it only takes a few seconds for her to come again.

You can feel her body shudder and you are quick to stand up, steadying her with your free hand while she rides out her second orgasm on your other. Her chest rises and falls quickly, breathing heavily.

“Fuck. I have to clean myself now.” Clarke’s voice is low, her breath trembling as she presses a few kisses on your lips.

“Did you like it?” you ask, holding her in a weird kind of hug. She needs that, though, she trembles so hard you are sure she will fall if you let her go.

She leans her chin on your shoulder. “I loved it. You?”

“Me too, Clarke.” You peck her lips gently, pulling back slightly, smiling like an idiot. You guide her to one of the toilet stalls. “Go clean yourself. I’m…” you cough awkwardly as you laugh. “I’ll do the same over here.”

Clarke’s tipsy chuckle is adorable. You make sure that Clarke locks the door to her stall before you unlock the bathroom.

You are glad to find nobody waiting to get in.

You enter a stall yourself, making sure that you are proper to get back out there.

Then, you go out, wash your hands and wait for Clarke, leaning against the wall next to the door with a smirk.

When Clarke gets out, she smirks right back at you. She washes her hands too, and when she notices that you are still alone here, she pulls you into another searing kiss.

You instantly lean into it, letting out another moan.

“Fuck, you’re hot.” You mutter against her lips. “Do you want to dance some more?”

Clarke just nods, her breath still heavy when she kisses you one last time, before leaving the bathroom. Your hand in hers, she is now the one to guide you back to the dancefloor.

You dance for what feels like hours, but you know it must be not more than one. You hold her close, you laugh, you kiss, you dance. She is so fucking perfect, the way she clumsily dances around you, the way she looks at you, the way she touches you.

You seriously have no idea what to do when she is going to leave. You only know you want her.

You drink a few more drinks – leaving you really tipsy, but you don’t mind. It takes your mind off the fact you have to let her go. Clarke is the one to ask to leave the club.

“You wanna go somewhere else?” she yells at you, laughing with a drink in her hand.

“Like where?” you yell back, as you stop dancing. You tuck her close to hear her properly.

“Just… somewhere quiet. Outside.”

You nod. You finish your drink, too. You pick up your stuff at the locker, struggling to open it. You giggle when you see Clarke laugh at you. You struggle to get your blazer back on, laughing sheepishly when you find it’s inside-out.

“Great.” You mutter, struggling to get it back to normal. When it finally happens, Clarke is already dressed and well, ready to go.

“God, my feet.” The other woman complains while you walk outside. You are tipsy, but not tipsy enough to let her piggy ride your back.

So, you bend through your knees, earning a giggle from the blonde.

“What are you doing?” she asks, looking around at the people outside that are drunkenly smoking, or making out.

“C’mon, ride my back.” You laugh, but you are quite serious. You can take her somewhere close, you know a place where it’s quiet.

“I’m heavier than I look.” She laughs, tugging on your arm, trying to get you up. But you refuse.

“And I am stronger than I look. Come!” you laugh at her, and she finally gives in. You work out a lot so you know you can handle her weight.

She jumps up, laughing loudly as she clings onto you tightly. You almost fall over because she won’t stop moving and you burst out in laughter.

But you are quick to shove your arms underneath her legs, feeling her arms drape around your shoulders.

“Good to go?” you ask teasingly, when she finally seems to sit still.

“Yes.” She mumbles in your ear. You ignore the goose bumps it gives you, her close proximity. She presses her cheek against yours and you adore the gesture.

You walk down the street with no problem. You are glad you are this strong.

You take her to the Brooklyn Bridge park. You walk her over the Bridge, but she makes you stop there.

“Just wanna… look at this view.” She smiles widely, looking at the dark city, the lit skyscrapers. It’s windy on the bridge and your curls are in the way. You find a hair tie around your wrist and put your hair in a messy bun.

You notice how Clarke takes a picture of the skyline, and you move to stand next to her.

She makes a surprised noise when she notices your hair. “Looks cute.” She smiles, teasingly bumping her shoulder to yours.

You just stand there for a while, leaning against each other, slightly tipsy. The wind is cold but you don’t feel it. You just feel her warmth.

“Come on.” You say, after a short time of standing. Now you are the one with painful feet. You are not far from the park.

You take a left when you walk down the bridge, guiding the blonde through the park, to the benches you know offer the best view to the city.

You drop yourself on it, already making space next to you. Clarke, however, shamelessly places herself onto your lap, facing you.

Her arms leaning on your shoulder, her gaze searching yours.

You don’t complain. She is warm on top of you, you hold her close.

“Hi.” She smiles then, leaning in to rest her forehead against yours.

“Hi.” You smile, looking into her eyes, even though she is so close. You see how blue her eyes are, so beautifully shaped. Her long eye lashes, her tiny nose that moves when she talks. Yeah, you already care too much about this woman.

Then, she tilts her head slightly, moving to kiss your cheekbone, your nose. Eventually your lips. She cups your jaw so gently that you wonder what is going through her head right now.

The kiss is so tender that it relaxes you, leaning into her touches. You open your mouth slowly, searching for her tongue. You moan softly when you feel it against yours. Her lips are so fucking soft, tasting like the drink you just had.

Her breath trembling, her hands still cupping your face.

When she pulls back just a little, her eyes are back looking into yours. There’s something in them that you haven’t seen before and for the first time, you don’t know what it means.

“I…” Clarke starts hesitantly, searching for words. “I’m grateful to have met you tonight.” She then smiles her widest smile, leaning back into you to kiss you lightly. It’s a featherlight kiss and it’s gone before you realize it was even there.

“Are you alright?” you ask in concern, not sure what she is thinking in that moment.

“Yeah, I’m just a little… tired.” She climbs off your lap, tucking herself into your side as she watches quietly over the city with you. The wind is gentler here than on top of the Bridge and you are glad that it isn't too cold.

She leans her head on your shoulder and you feel her hand rest on your thigh.

“Clarke?” you ask, not sure where you are going with this.

“Yes?” she hums, not looking up.

“I’m grateful to have met you, too. I know it’s cheesy, saying it back, but I mean it. You uncover something in me that I didn’t realize was still there, anymore.” You press a kiss on top of her head, your arm protectively holding her against you.

“It’s not cheesy, Lexa. I’m glad I can be that for you.”

“Me, too.”

\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I feel like I'm terrible at writing smut. If you guys have tips for me, that would be great!!!! Still learning to write, so let me know what you think of the story in general.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!

\\\

You feel her leaning heavier against you. When you look down, you see her eyes are closed and you think you hear a tiny snore. You smile, leaning your head gently on hers, trying not to wake her.

You feel the wind on your face, and you close your eyes, too. You think of how you got here. This night had been an emotional rollercoaster and you don’t want it to end.

You don’t even want to know what time it is, now, but you are afraid that the night is almost over.

You inhale Clarke’s perfume. It’s barely there, but you recognize it. It comforts you. You open your eyes, forcing yourself to stay awake, even though the buzz of the alcohol makes you quite tired.

You look over the dark water, the Brooklyn bridge, the buildings in the distance. Looking at that makes you feel so small, yet you feel perfectly content. You know it’ because the blonde is by your side. You know it’s because your feelings for her are out of control, making you feel like you can conquer the world – as long as she is by you side. You fear for what will happen when she leaves. You fear that you will never find this again – not Clarke, nor anybody who will make you feel the same way. The thought of never seeing the blonde just seems so impossible. You feel so intertwined already. You need her.

So, you will just have to suck it up. You have to respect her wish of not seeing each other again. You have a feeling she really needs that. She isn’t ready to start something again, you can tell when you look into her eyes. Suddenly, you realize what you are doing. You are stalling. You are just waiting for the inevitable and your stomach turns at the thought. You don’t want to lose her, but if you care about her, you will let her go. It would be selfish to hold onto her. It would be stupid to believe in fairy tales.

Because what was this exactly? Love at first sight? A distraction? Just chemistry? You keep asking yourself what this is, but you already know. You love her. You care about her so deeply, that you wonder if you have ever felt like this for anybody before.

And it’s weird – even for you. Usually, you are distant towards new people. Usually, you don’t let them in after months of being simple friends. But somehow the blonde had managed to get under your skin and you happily let her so.

It scares you if you think about it too much. The walls around your heart are still there, the blonde just knew how to get past them. Nobody else had ever found a way, truly.

You decide now, to just enjoy the moments you still have left with her. You think about what else there is to do in the big city, when you see the sky on your left lighten slightly. You know it’s early in the morning.

You sigh. You look down at Clarke, her face so close you can see tiny tiny hairs on her forehead, probably so soft you’d never notice them if you’d stand three feet away from her. It’s adorable. You hear her heavy breath and you don’t have the heart to wake her up, yet. You take out your phone, to see if you have any messages. You have one from your cousin, Dante and a few other people, but it is all unimportant. There is also one from Ontari, simply asking you where you are.

You shoot her a quick text, telling her that you got a headache and went home for the evening. You are pretty sure Ontari is still somewhere in Brooklyn, drunk as ever, chasing a girl to get to sleep with her. You don’t really care.

You shiver, noticing you’re actually quite cold. The wind is coming from the east, and you have no choice but to wake Clarke up.

Before you do so, you snap a quick selfie, just to see what it looks like from the front.

You smile widely when you see Clarke’s mouth in a thin line, her eyes closed, her eyebrows relaxed. You wonder what a beautiful woman like her wants from you. She is so out of your league.

You softly nudge her in the shoulder. She sleepily swats your hand away, leaning even closer in, falling right back asleep. You chuckle internally, finding it adorable how relaxed she is.

You press a wet kiss on her forehead, leaning on it. You talk quietly.

“Clarke? Are you going to wake up?”

No response.

“Clarke?” you sigh. There are so many things you want to say to her, right now that she can’t hear it.

“I think I love you. I know I have to let you go, and I will, but don’t ever think I will forget you.” You mutter quietly against her forehead.

She still doesn’t move. You shake her a little, smiling sadly when you can’t stop thinking about how to say goodbye to her. You can’t tell the moment she wakes up. She suddenly looks up at you, her eyes sleepy and you think you see tears in them.

“Are you okay?” you ask, wondering how she felt this way.

She smiles, though. “It’s the wind.” Her voice is even deeper when she just wakes up and it is really cute.

“How long did I sleep?” she asks, curiously looking up at you, yawning in the process.

“I think about half an hour.” You guess. You are not sure. You motion to your left with your hand. “Sun is going to come up soon.”

You see Clarke’s gaze following your hand. You think you see disappointment there, but you are not sure.

When you check your phone to see the time, you see that it is a little before five in the morning. You still have… around two and a half hours to spend with her.

The blonde looks at your phone too, and you stay quiet for a bit.

“How are we going to fill the time?” her deep blue eyes find your green ones. You shrug. You are honestly really tired, and you feel your mood dropping a bit. You just really don’t want to say goodbye.

“How about we get a nice breakfast somewhere?” Clarke opts, ignoring the way you look at her. You know you should stop feeling sorry for yourself, but you just can’t. Not when Clarke is here, looking at you with those big blue eyes and you just have to make sure you will remember her good.

“I don’t think a nice place has opened yet.” You just say, earning a slight glare of the blonde. You feel caught, uncomfortable as you sit up, scraping your throat.

“Sorry.” You look down, fumbling with your hands in your lap. She notices. She takes your hand in hers, making you look at her again.

“Did I say something wrong?” she whispers, her eyes looking sad.

“No!” you immediately lean in to capture her lips with your own, needing to feel her. “No.” you lean your forehead against hers, your eyes closed.

“I guess I’m not quite ready to say goodbye yet.” You admit. You feel her fingers on your jaw, tickling your skin.

“Me neither. But we don’t have to, at least not yet.” She mutters against your lips, having you pulled in already.

Her breath is warm on your lips, and you know you are trembling. You hate that you are being so sensitive.

“How can we make them count?” you ask her, wanting to feel happier again. The last thing you want to do is ruin the last few hours you have with her, so you get over it.

Her answer is a searing kiss. A kiss you put your hopes and dreams into, your love for this woman, everything you have.

Your tongues dancing together, you can already feel a stupid tear stream down your face. Why does it have to be this hard?

You swap side, your bottom lip clearly trembling as you try not to cry. You met her lips again, hers already waiting for yours. She is so soft, foreign and addictive. You sink your teeth in her lip, earning a small moan from the blonde.

You don’t care that you run out of breath. You don’t care that you crave oxygen. You crave her more.

Your mouths move in sync as you try to catch your breath. You cup her cheeks, holding her as if she is the most delicate thing in the world. You keep her close, her lips on yours.

She pulls back slightly, her hands topping yours on her face. She looks at you with almost pleading eyes. As if she is silently trying to tell you something, but you don’t know what she means. You wish you do.

Instead, she attaches her mouth to yours, once again. You are ready for her. You catch her.

You kiss her, crave and touch her. You don’t know what she is doing to you but your body seems to know. You don’t even care if there are other people around you. You should though. If you truly cared, you would notice the man walking up to you.

“Hello, ladies.” You jump up, out of your daze. You stand up from the bench immediately, feeling threatened by the man standing in front of you. You shield Clarke from whatever the man wants to do.

His eyes are focused on you, though. “Aren’t you tough?” he laughs. He seems lightly tipsy, you can smell the alcohol coming from his mouth and it somehow gets you triggered.

You feel the adrenaline running through your veins, you grit your teeth, holding Clarke behind you.

The man is taller than you, probably stronger, too. He is bald, his grey eyes piercing as they look into yours. He has a black beard, wearing a long black jacket. Exactly the type you don’t want to run into as a woman. Especially not at night.

“Aren’t I tough?” you repeat, making sure to move away from the bench, Clarke still behind you. Clarke holds your sleeves tightly, as if she is ready to pull you away if it’s necessary.

You look at him – focusing on every move he makes. You already know what he is here for. You are glad that you know how to fight. You are just glad you think you will be able to protect Clarke.

“Come here.” He laughs, a dirty, perverted laugh. You know you are short and skinny, but you smirk inside when you realize he is underestimating you. You let him take a step closer. “This could be fun.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

You take another step back and you think you hear Clarke squeal when the man suddenly jumps forward. You duck away, pulling the blonde with you. You let her go. You are really fast when the man is quick to turn around, fury in his eyes.

You are faster than him – you duck again when he tries to hit you. Instead of running, you even sneak closer in the time he needs to recover. You jump forward, throwing your right knee as hard as you can, into his groin.

It’s a hit. He groans deeply, trying not to yell too hard, falling to the ground.

You stand in front of him, spitting on him.

“Fuck you.” You mutter. You feel how Clarke tugs on your sleeve. You turn around to meet concerned, scared eyes and you feel guilty for not running. But this is the only way you know how to get away from the man, giving you all the time you need.

“Let’s go!” you yell, pushing Clarke to run in front of you. You keep looking back, but the man doesn’t seem interested to follow you. Instead, he yells something after you, but you don’t hear a word he says.

You run after Clarke, onto the Brooklyn bridge, to the other side. You pant, hard. When the blonde stops, she leans on her knees heavily and you can tell she isn’t used to running.

You take her in your arms, steadying her, hugging her.

She is sobbing.

“You’re alright. I’m here.” You just keep repeating. You cup the back of her head, holding her steady with your other. “It’s alright, you are alright.”

The blonde is shaking slightly. There are several people asking if everything is okay but you wave them off with a kind nod. All you know is Clarke. You were able to protect her, but what would have happened if the guy wasn't there alone? What would they have done? You shake the thought off. It ended well. Clarke is okay. You are okay.

“Come on.” You wrap your arm around her shoulder, walking further down the road with her. She looks like she is about to faint, so you hold her steady. You need to find a damn cafe or something, she needs food and a drink.

“Breathe in, Clarke, through your nose.” You breathe with her. “Out through your mouth.”

You stop for a moment, wiping the tears away from her cheeks. She looks so vulnerable in that moment; you can feel the anger in your beating heart. It runs through your veins and you wish you could go back to hurt the man more. He scared the shit out of Clarke. 

You breathe with her for a few moments and she looks up at you with a shaky smile.

You take her hands in yours, placing a small kiss on them.

“Look.” She says, showing her hands. They are shaking.

“It’s the adrenaline, Clarke.” You smile, taking her back into the previous position, starting to walk again.

"How are you this calm?" her voice is shaky and you tighten your grip on her.

"I don't know." you say in all honesty. You may be used to fighting, but never against someone who had the intention of hurting you.

You hold her close, walking to find a café or something, that is open at this time of the day.

You find one. You take her to the ladies room, taking off her jacket. She leans heavily against the sink. She doesn’t say anything.

You pull her against your chest, holding her tightly. “You’re safe, Clarke.”

You press a few kisses on top of her head, until she looks back up at you.

“I didn’t know you were such a good fighter.” She cracks out a smile, but you can tell she’s still shaken up about the incident.

You smile at her. “I do martial arts.”

Her eyes grow wide and you can tell by the tiny smirk forming on her mouth, that she likes it.

“Badass, Lexa. Badass.” She smiles and you are glad to see that she is starting to feel better.

“I didn’t really have a choice tonight.” You shrug, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear. She immediately leans into your touch, causing you to cup her cheek.

You shortly press your lips on hers.

“You are okay.” You remind her, and she nods.

“We are okay.”

“Are you ready for that fancy breakfast of yours?” you ask, taking her jacket as you guide her back into the café. You know for a fact that they serve breakfast here.

“Yeah.” Clarke nods.

You place her on a couch, you sit across from her on a chair, the small round table between you. The café isn’t big – but it seems quite luxurious. You are happy that somebody is open at this time.

A bored waitress comes to ask you for a drink. You go for an espresso. You could really use some caffeine.

Clarke orders a cappuccino and you smile when you hand her the menu that was lying on the table.

“Sorry, the kitchen doesn’t open until six.” The waitress says, her voice annoying the crap out of you. You shrug at Clarke.

“Shall we wait?” you ask and she just nods at you.

When you look outside, you notice that it is raining.

“Just in time.” You nod at the blonde and she smiles at you. She doesn’t say much, but you don’t mind.

She takes your right hand in hers, looking at it intensely. “Where is the bandage?”

You let out a small laugh. “I lost it somewhere when we were having sex at the club."

Clarke shoots a glare at you, probably for talking too loudly. You can’t help but chuckle. The only thing you are trying to do is clear the air a bit, making her smile. Her smile is just so beautiful, you want to see it all the time.

“How is your hand?”

“It’s fine.” You shrug, pulling it back slightly. Your hand will recover. You take off your blazer again, noticing that you don’t smell all too fresh anymore. You scrunch up your nose, earning a giggle from the woman across from you.

You throw her a stern look as you hang the blazer on your chair.

“I’m only human.” You laugh at her. You lean your elbows on the table, making eye contact with those blue eyes.

“Does that happen often?”

“Me smelling like sweat? Yeah, unfortunately so.” You laugh. You earn a smack on your arm from the blonde, but she laughs with you.

“I mean guys like that.” She falls quiet, referring to the incidint at the park. You admire her beauty once more. You can’t help it, she is just too pretty not to look at.

“It happens a lot. Never happened to me before, though.” You say in all honesty. You have heard a lot of similar stories, but unfortunately with bad endings. You were just lucky tonight.

“Thank you for saving me.” She says, the smile wide on her face.

“Uh, you’re welcome.” You smile back. You are just happy that you were able to take out the guy. You would’ve blamed yourself if something would have happened to Clarke.

“So, martial arts, huh?” the blonde smirks, winking at you. It makes you chuckle.

You are about to say something when you are interrupted by your new favourite waitress, serving your drinks.

“Enjoy.” She sarcastically says, not even making eye contact.

You finish your espresso in a minute, but you patiently wait for Clarke to finish her cappuccino.

“I have an idea.” You say then.

“Oh?” Clarke looks at you with curiosity in her eyes.

“Let’s not pay. Let’s eat somewhere else.” Your eyes twinkle.

“But that’s theft, Lexa.” Her eyes grow wide, her voice silent as she looks around awkwardly.

“Come on. Wasn’t this the one thing on your bucketlist you were always too scared to try?” you wiggle your eyebrows, not really knowing what has gotten into you. Maybe the incident at the Brooklyn bridge park had given you an annoying sense of cocky confidence. “It’s not that they really deserve it.” You whisper.

You notice how Clarke is looking at her mug. “The cappuccino was disgusting after all, so…” she mumbles.

You love the sight of the sly grin forming on the blonde’s face. It is so fucking worth it.

“Let’s do it?” you wiggle your eyebrows again and you adore the way that Clarke winks at you. She nods silently, subtly grabbing her coat to put it on.

You put on your blazer as well, grabbing your wallet as you pretend to throw money on the table.

You whisper. “On my count.”

You and Clarke make yourself ready to escape. The waitress is somewhere behind the bar, probably on her phone. She is not watching you.

“Three. Two. One!” you stand up in unison with Clarke, both of you storming to the exit, running as fast as you can.

Clarke’s laugh is bright as you run down the street in the rain. Her hair gets wet, waving behind her while she moves.

Her hand in yours, you don’t care about your suit getting ruined by the rain. It was probably already ruined at the club, people spilling alcohol on it.

You run behind her on your heels, clicking behind her as you turn back to see the waitress standing outside the café, yelling something after you.

You snicker when you turn around the corner. Clarke pulls you against a wall, panting heavily while trying to contain her laughter.

“Oh my god, my heart is beating so hard in my chest.” She laughs, her back against the wall. You are quick to see if there is anyone on the street.

When there isn’t, you place your hands on the wall, on both sides of Clarke’s head. You hover in front of her, while she tugs you closer by pulling on your blazer, her laugh suddenly falling away. The sight of Clarke in the rain, her hair drooping with water, drops on her face while she bites her lip is something you want to remember forever. It's breathtaking and sexy at the same time.

Her eyes filled with lust, just like that, she pulls you closer, just to crash your lips together in a hot, open-mouthed kiss.

You moan into it, but you are more careful now. You pull back faster than you normally would, looking around again to see if you are truly alone. When you notice you are, you connect your lips again. You sink right into it. She fucks with your head so much, it scares you to think you'd do anything for her.

She pulls you closer by your hips, your bodies flush, your breasts against hers.

You adore the way she perfectly fits against you like that. You adore the way she moans into your mouth, her tongue dancing around yours. You love the way she tastes and you want more of her, always.

But, you pull back again. You take out your bun, realising your hair must curl even more now.

The smirk on the blonde’s lips tell you that she doesn’t mind. She runs her hand down your face, tucking a wild curl behind your ear. She massages the spot behind your ear, looking at you so lovingly that you can’t help it when you pull her into a tight hug. It’s tender, emotionally loaded and you are not willing to let her go just yet.

You hold her tightly, as if she will break if you let her go. As if you will hold on forever. She presses her face into your neck, kissing your delicate skin. It sends gentle shivers down your spine and you feel how your body wants more of it. You move to kiss her cheek, her jaw, the corner of her mouth. Your lips desperately search for hers, claiming them easily.

Her hands in your hair, yours around her waist. Your mouths moving against each others with a certain desperation you haven’t felt before. You think it’s because you both realize that this can’t last forever.

You don’t even feel the rain anymore. You don’t know how long you stand there, kissing the woman of your dreams. You don’t care about the time.

You don’t care that you are soaked to the skin. You just know _her_.

Her body pressed so close against yours, you feel her hips connect with yours. Memories of the night flood through your brain and you moan into the kiss, deepening it without any shame. You try to catch your breath in between, but she almost forces you not to pull back, not even the slightest. The way she kisses you is new, different from before. It's eager, slow but somehow hot at the same time. As if she is taking all the time in the world to explore your mouth. When she pulls back slightly, her lips glistening, her lips parted as she pants.

Her eyes looking at yours, a sadness there that you recognize instantly. Her hands still cupping your face, holding you close. Her eyes searching for something as her gaze roams over your face. She wipes away a few drips of rain on your cheeks with her thumbs, her eyes so fucking blue you get lost in them. All you want is to press yourself against her again. So you do. You take her bottom lip between yours, running it over with your tongue. The way she moans is almost quiet, sad, but it's probably the most beautiful sound you have ever heard. You kiss her with all the passion and love you can find in your heart. You just taste her on your tongue, feel her against your skin. You kiss, until you hear her stomach grumble.

“Oh.” Clarke pulls back with the biggest disappointment written on her face, she is holding her stomach as if she is pregnant. It makes you smile and you take a step back.

“You don’t have a jacket.” She notices how soaked you are.

“Let’s finally get some breakfast, dry up.” You grin, not even trying to shield yourself from the rain anymore.

It is getting lighter and lighter, the day obviously taking over from the night. The street lights turn off. You know exactly where you are. You are not all too far from Grand Central. You hate that you are already calculating at what time you should head down the station.

You feel how Clarke moves into your side with ease, as if practiced for years. Your arm around her shoulder, hers around your waist, you go to find another place to eat. You feel her hand creeping underneath your blouse, her hand on your bare skin. You love the feeling.

You notice then, that you are hungry, too. You walk with her close by your side. You love how safe it feels. How complete it makes you feel.

You find a cosy place nearby, where you fall into a chair. Your body aches, to be honest. Going out, walking all night, you feel it now. Your hips also ache, but you know that is for a different reason. It makes you smile.

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke almost laughs, trying to dry her blonde hair a bit.

“Nothing.” You throw a smirk into her direction. “Just… clubs and bathrooms.”

You don’t make eye contact, purposely looking down on the menu. You decide to just take sandwich, nothing else. You don’t really feel like eating.

“Interesting.” Her voice is huskier than moments before and you love the effect you apparently have on her. When you look up at her, her blue eyes have darkened obviously and you just smile seductively, but innocently at the same time.

“Excuse me for a moment.” You put the menu on the table, walking towards the bar, your back at Clarke. There’s a mirror behind the wall and you smirk when you can see Clarke staring at you in it.

“Where can I find the toilet?” you ask the - this time kind – waitress.

“Just behind the bar on the right.” She smiles awkwardly at you. You wink at her, walking to the bathroom. You don’t look at Clarke.

Once there, you see how you are looking. Your make up is slightly smeared around your eyes, making them look even greener. You wonder why Clarke hasn’t told you.

You try to dry your hair a bit, squeezing the droplets out of it over the sink. You slouch against it, leaning when you feel your feet hurt from all the walking.

You wipe away all the black around your eyes. It smears only more. You decide to take off all of your make up. It makes you feel naked but somehow, it doesn’t bother you.

You try to get your hair to look a bit normal, but you can’t get the wild look out of it.

Then, the door opens and you see Clarke sneaking in. She moves to stand behind you, looking over your shoulder into your eyes through the mirror.

“Hi.” Her voice teasingly low, you feel how she connects her hips with your behind. She presses a gentle kiss in your neck, but she needs to stand on her toes to do so.

“You’re sexy when you’re wet.” Clarke slips out a laugh after she realizes how it sounds.

You finish your face and your hair, turning around slowly in Clarke’s arms.

“Well, thanks.” You grin at her, pecking her on the lips quickly, hating your curly hair when it jumps in front of your eyes.

“I love your hair like this.” She tucks it behind your ear, smiling while she removes herself from you. She seems to want to fix her face and hair as well.

“I’ll go back, watch our stuff. Have you decided what you want to eat yet?”

You move closer, your hand cupping her cheek to just look at her for a moment. She still takes your breath away, even looking like a soaked cat.

“Just the club sandwich.” She leans into you, kissing you shortly. “I’ll be there in just a moment.”

You nod, walking out of the room, back to your table. There’s already a drink waiting for you – fresh orange juice. You wonder how the fuck Clarke knows which drinks you like.

Before you sit down, you walk towards the bar.

“Can we have two club sandwiches, please?” you smile kindly, and the waitress nods. “Thank you.”

You go to sit down at your chair. There is only an older woman sitting near the window, staring outside and you wonder what her story is.

It’s like she knows you are watching her, because she turns to look at you with a small smile on her face. You just nod, since you are too far away to actually talk to her.

You check your phone again. You wish that you hadn’t. It’s half an hour past six. You probably walked further than you realize, since the time went by so quickly. Your heart stings, but you try to put the feeling away.

You have just over an hour with this woman and you want it to be as perfect as possible.

It takes a while for Clarke to get out of the bathroom. The sandwiches already on the table, you realize you have been daydreaming about some stuff when the blonde suddenly drops herself on the other chair.

“Hey.” She looks hungrily at the sandwich and you think you notice her eyes to be a little reddish. Had she been crying?

You shrug it off, not wanting to pry too much. You start eating as well, noticing again how hungry you are.

You eat in silence. You don’t mind it, it gives you time to think. Think about what time you have to leave here to get to Grand Central in time.

Think about whether to take a cab or the subway. You can’t walk any further, and you don’t even want to.

You don’t ever want to leave her side, either.

She notices that you stare at her. Her smile is sadder than you expect when it appears on her face.

“I don’t think I can say goodbye to you.” She says suddenly, as if she is reading your thoughts.

The smile you return is just as sad. “I don’t think I can, either.”

“I’m sorry that I am so broken, Lexa. I wish it were easier.” She mumbless it so quietly that you have trouble hearing what she says, but you understand it.

“Don’t be sorry, Clarke. Don’t ever be sorry for something like that.” You shake your head. You will not let her leave feeling guilty.

“I…” she searches for words. Her sandwich is finished, her hands in her lap. “I will miss you.”

You close your eyes for a moment, not really ready for this. But you have to face it, you know that.

“I will miss you, too.” You whisper, searching for her hands to hold. You want to feel her touches. “I won’t forget you.”

That sentence obviously brings tears to Clarke’s eyes. She opens her mouth to speak, but she can’t bring out a word.

Instead, she holds your hand tightly, trying to wipe her tears away before anyone sees. You notice how beautiful she looks while she cries. Her eyes bluer than the ocean, so vulnerable. You just want to take her into your arms but you don’t.

There are so many words you want to say, but you don’t. There is nothing you can say that will justify the way you feel about her. It’s beyond your own comprehension.

“If you want to make it to Grand Central in time, we could take a cab.” You check the time on the clock in the café and you notice how not only your mood, but hers drops as well. Somehow, it comforts you seeing her like that. But only, because it means that she feels the same way. Only because you now know that this night was not only good for you, but for her as well.

She just nods, grabbing her stuff. You have been here for a while, but you still haven’t dried up completely yet. You don’t care, though.

You take your stuff, too. You put money on the table just before Clarke can get a chance to do it.

You stand up, quietly. Your hand desperately searches for hers as you walk out. As you take a cab.

You drive quietly. You hate that you can’t have more time.

Your fingers are laced with Clarke’s, and you press a gentle kiss on her hand. She smiles at you slightly.

The cab ride isn’t too long. Traffic is not that bad. You get dropped by the cab in front of the main entrance.

It’s getting busier here, people are all around, but the two of you just stand still on the sidewalk, staring at the train station.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” you ask carefully, but she shakes her head.

You nod in understanding, pursing your lips. This means you have to say goodbye now.

The big clock indicates that it is 25 past 7. You have around… ten minutes to say goodbye.

The thought makes you swallow. Without looking, you turn to pull the blonde against you. Your arms snake around her waist, your face pressing in her shoulder. You can’t cry. You don’t want to cry.

You feel how the blonde presses a kiss on your cheek, making you look at her.

“Thank you, Lexa. Thank you for showing me that I can love two people at once.”

Your vision gets blurry from the tears. You can’t stop them when you look into her blue eyes. She just confessed that she loves you. You want to say that you love her, too. You want to say that you want her to stay, that you want to be in touch with her. But you can’t. Something is stopping you and it’s probably Clarke herself.

You can’t ask her to stay. You can’t ask her not to go, to stay with you. But what would be so wrong in telling her that you love her.

“Clarke?” you search for something in her eyes but you are not sure what it is you are looking for. Her arms leaning on your shoulders, she stands against you. You don’t find the words.

You can’t think of anything to say, not anymore. You don’t care that there are dozens of people around you. You crash your lips against her, enjoying the taste of her on your tongue one last time.

Your bottom lip trembles when you catch her lips again. You let out a tear when you feel her hands at the familiar spot in your hair.

Then, you pull back slightly. You press a kiss against her forehead.

You search her eyes. When they look at you, you try to smile as wide as you can.

“I love you.” You whisper. Clarke’s face falls even more and you are not sure if you have said the right thing.

“I have to go.” She just mumbles.

You nod, looking down at your feet. It’s her hand that cups your chin, making you look up again.

“You are so beautiful, Lexa. You made me feel so many things tonight, I can’t even describe.” She seems to hesitate to say more, but she takes a deep breath. “May we meet again.”

You can see her gaze switching between your eyes and your lips. She is fast to press her lips back against yours, even if it’s only for a short time. You already know it’s the last kiss you will ever share.

“May we meet again.” You smile.

You watch her leave. She walks back, her face still turned to you. But suddenly, she disappears within the crowd and your eyes desperately search for the familiar blonde hair.

You don’t find it.

And then, you realize that you are all alone in the big city.

Still, you smile. You smile and you cry at the same time.

“May you find the love you deserve.” You whisper, still looking at the entrance of the station, as if you are looking into her eyes.

Her blue eyes, that you will never forget.

You can still taste her on your lips. You can still feel the warmth of her body radiating through yours. You still feel her hand in yours. Except you don’t.

You realize, how cold you are without her by your side.

You glance at the station one last time.

“May we meet again.”

\\\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thou shall not worry! Writing a sequel to this. Will update ' We Became Strangers' soon. After I finish that one, I hope I'll be able to post the first chapter of the new story. I have big plans for this story. Might be my masterpiece :D


	6. *WRITERS NOTE*

hey guys!

you must be wondering why on earth i am uploading another chapter, well it's just a writers note.

as you may have noticed, I recently took down the sequel, simply because i didn't have the inspiration to finish it. I am deeply sorry for that.

i am one to keep my promises, though, so i will post the sequel soon! but, **_not_** before i upgrade this one and 'we became strangers'! 

That is why i am announcing that next sunday, the tenth of january, i will take this down temporarily. i will rewrite (probably make minor adjustments, no worries) and post it again soon after i finish my newest fic 'constellate'!

Just wanted to let you know, giving you a heads up.

i am quite busy with work, but writing this fic has given me so much joy, if i am being completely honest, so i am more than willing to make it better and finally finish the sequel.

i hope my rambling isn't too confusing for you!

anyway, happy new year and take care!!

x Anna

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you want me to continue writing, any ideas, tips or compliments!!! I love that. Thanks for reading!


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